Two Gay Dads

I believe things happen for a reason, don’t you? I began writing for Aiming Low several months ago and met Jared Karol of Lick the Fridge through his posts there. It wasn’t long before we discovered we both have twins AND we were born to gay dads. So there are two of us now–I know there are others, but they are not “out.” (This, my friends, is where the power of social media–Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, etc–will come in)

Jared recently started something on his blog called “The Letters Project.” Read about it HERE. On a whim I wrote him a letter about my dad, which he published on his site. You can read it HERE. Jared kindly replied, and now he’s written back and I’m sharing his letter below.

Jared and I are talking about writing a book together. I’m scared shitless about it and he knows far more about the publishing world than I; yet it’s something I’ve always wanted to do, and until now have never found anyone to tackle it with in earnest.

That being said, I’m formally shouting out to anyone interested in potentially doing this with us. I think a compilation of essays from folks with GLBT parents could be groundbreaking. Would you buy it, read it and share it with your friends? Do you have any thoughts? Sheesh, Jared, I hope you know how to write a query letter. And find an agent. And, um, all the other stuff.

Enough. I give you Jared.

*****

Hi Erin,

I’m so glad we’ve started a dialogue about our gay dads.

Over the past 11 1/2 years since my dad died, I’ve done more than just accept his homosexuality – I have embraced it. I’m supportive of the myriad LGBTQ issues, I have many close gay friends and colleagues, and I write about gay issues on my blog.

All that said, until recently, I haven’t had any conversations with another adult with a gay dad. My colleague’s dad is gay and so is yours; that’s all I know. I look forward to exploring this topic with you. I’m sure we’ll discover that we have much in common, as well as many differences.

My dad is dead, yours is alive. In your letter you said you have trust issues because of “worrying about being left. Worrying about people lying to me, pretending to be something they’re not. Worried they’re not being honest.”

I don’t feel that way at all. I wonder if that’s because I’ve been able to embrace my dad’s homosexuality without the pressure of interacting with him on a regular basis. I wonder if he were alive how our relationship would have developed, and how my views about his homosexuality, and LGBTQ issues in general, would have developed. I don’t know.

The thing is, it was only in the last half year or so of his life that I started to hold the views I hold now. I was 27 and finally mature enough to accept it all. And then he died. I came to embrace the LGBTQ community almost entirely in his absence.

I would love to hear about your relationship with your dad, not only now, but in the years since you were 15 when he told you. Do you two have a good relationship? Do you see him or talk often? Do you live in a community that supports LGBTQ issues, or are there societal pressures that make it difficult for you?

There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t miss my dad, or see or hear or think about something that reminds me of him (his 63rd birthday is on March 20). But in some ways, I can’t help thinking that I wouldn’t be as comfortable with the fact that he were gay if he were still around. I guess I’ll never know.

Sincerely,

Jared

*stay tuned for my reply & please don’t forget to vote for me for BlogHer’s Voices of the Year–CLICK HERE.*