The Funny Stuff My Kids Say, or, Why Is My Daughter Trying to Make Out With My Husband?

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Last night I was making out with my laptop working on my computer while the girls fawned all over their dad in the living room. They were being unusually angelic, snuggly, and cute. They smelled good too, since I bribed persuaded them to shower with me so I wouldn’t have to deal with baths after the crankies set in. Is there anything better than a sweet-smelling child? You lean in for a whiff and suddenly all the baby days come flooding back in a rush. You know the ones: the house is quiet, there is no talking back, no hitting, no fighting. Just snuggling with a warm bundle of joy who chomps on your nipples until they bleed  looks lovingly into your eyes while you coo and fuss over him/her. The baby days are some of the best because babies are mute, immobile, and incapable of grating on your every last nerve.

But I digress.

It starts innocently enough. Abby is giving Hubs quick little pecks all over his cheeks, nose, and mouth. She is giggling. Hubs is trying to read a medical journal, but he finally gives up and starts tickling her. Her laughter is infectious. I’ll have to try and capture it on a vlog sometime. Anytickle, Abby begins sticking her tongue out at Hubs and the usual reprimands ensue. Then I can almost see the wheels start to turn in her head. Her tongue comes back out and she licks Hubs’ cheek. He laughs, Abby laughs, we’re all laughing. Then more wheels turning, and she asks with a sweet smile on her face

Daddy, can we touch tongues?”

*crickets*

I look at Hubs and carefully ask, “Did she just say what I think she said?”

“Yes she did,” Hubs replies.

Dear God, I know I’ve been a bad wife lately, but seriously, if my own daughter is trying to move in on my man I know it’s time for me to step up my game.

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  • Monique-aka-Surferwife23

    O.M.G. That is the funniest freaking thing EVER!!

  • MiMi

    Oh holy heck! That is funny/scary!

  • Shell

    That is so funny! My two younger sons will stick their tongues in your mouth when you kiss them if you're not careful. It's so gross.

  • Moonspun

    that's funny! And totally normal…I'd worry more if your hubby said yes, than the fast that your child was curious. I remember lil m trying to do that to me and gently saying, that's not how little girls kiss!

  • BigSis

    Okay, that is really funny! I'm not ready for real kissing yet!

  • Meeko Fabulous

    That just seriously made my whole freaking' morning! LoL! :)

  • Secret Mom Thoughts

    Too funny. Kids are weird sometimes.

  • foxy

    SHUT UP! I'll have you know that I am honestly laughing out loud over here!!

    Have a good weekend, girlie!

  • Alice in Wonderland

    That is so weird/freaky/scary! O.M.G.! It doesn't take girls long to catch onto anything!

  • LMJ

    LMAO!!! Oh man!!!
    That would have made me freeze in my shoes!

    I grew up without a dad, so when I was younger I used to cringe everytime I saw my friends kiss their dad in the mouth.

  • LMJ

    LMAO!!! Oh man!!!
    That would have made me freeze in my shoes!

    I grew up without a dad, so when I was younger I used to cringe everytime I saw my friends kiss their dad in the mouth.

  • Daffy

    Fan-tuckin-abulous!

    I'm so glad you posted about this. Kids are the greatest comic relief!!!

  • Juliana

    Erin! You are SO funny. Oh my–can we touch tongues? Maybe you need to give her an invisible friend. We can call him George Clooney–oh wait, he is probablyl too old for her. Anyhow–Chelsea is coming here in March and I sooo excited. We are planning on wearing shirts on the front will say HELLO Vodka (strike through) Chelsea It's Me…and then our names on the back. Yes, we are nuts.

  • Barb

    LOL! Very funny. I love that smell when my usually stinky boys have just shampooed. Right now they have a strawberry "flavor" shampoo. (except the 13-yr-old, who smells like Axe).

  • Quirkyloon

    That's the beauty of blogging. You can take a parental moment of ick and bring humor and laughter into it!

    I give it a tongues, erm, I mean thumbs up!

  • Michele

    That is hysterical!!!
    Love it.

    And LOVE your blog. I found you through headaches and Hormones… which I also just came across today. How could I have NOT found both of you before today??? I have been totally missin' out!

    Anyway, I'm here now… and full of accolades and comment love. LOL
    I totally look forward to following along ;)

  • Beverly

    LOL….My son slipped me the tounge when he was about 3…WIERD!!! Kids are the funniest thing.

    Better step up the lovin GF.

  • Andrea (ace1028)

    Bwah hahahah! Oh man, hilarious. My daughter makes out with our dog, so I totally get the kissing thing. ;) Too much!

  • The Blonde Duck

    Popped in to say hi!

  • adrienzgirl

    Yep…I think Kamden was about their age when he started sticking his tongue out when we was giving kisses.

    He said he wanted to do it like Mommy kisses Daddy.

    Ughh….gross! Just gross!

  • RN Mama

    Wowee, Wow, Wow. That's all I can say! Good luck stepping up your game!

  • DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom

    It was innocent. Probs best not to freak about it.

  • June Freaking Cleaver

    I think it's pretty common for little girls to think that they'll marry daddy (after they knock off mom). All kids go through that Oedipal/Electra complex thing for a short while – then you can sleep with both eyes closed.

  • The Blue Zoo

    Thats is so funny and so gross!

  • Ed Adams

    Love kid quotes.

    Always so sweet and honest and freaking hilarious!

  • leigh

    That is awesome. You better watch out for that one!

  • Jen

    Oh my gosh that was so damn funny!

  • Secretia

    That would have freaked me out some. Good luck when she's a teenager.

  • Life Laugh Latte

    My sweet 6 year old boy tells his friends that are girls about French kissing on almost every playdate. I'm waiting for a call from a concerned mom to come in asking how on earth he knows about this! HOlly

  • Tracie

    My son tries to put those moves on me, too. He calls them kitty kisses.

  • The Boob Nazi

    hahaha wtf?

  • Margaret

    LOL isn't it crazy what kids will say and ask.

  • Alex

    From someone whose boobs have recently been sliced by a new tooth..it's worse when your daughter wants to touch tongues with you…Tila Tequila here we come

  • ScoMan

    You women.. us guys are happy to just hug, tickle and just roll around but you girls are always pressuring us to take the next step and do things we're not really comfortable doing.

    No means no!

  • Coffeypot

    Is that common in Kansas? It is in Alabama and Tennessee.

  • Annie @ astonesthrowfrominsanity

    Reminds me of when I was bathing my daughter and son together and she was giving him kisses all over and he was laughing. Then, before I could anticipate it, she grabbed his penis and attempted to kiss it. I just about jumped in the tub with all of my clothes on! My son's remark, "Well, why can she kiss my arm but not my pee pee?" hmmm. I left that one for hubs. :)

  • LeAndMatt

    Love it! Now get to showing that man some love! LOL!

    Love ya
    LE

  • BunkieBott

    SO FUNNY!!! Oh man, seriously- hilarious!!

  • Sarah

    Oh this made me laugh! A nice way to start off the weekend. Not that there's really a weekend, these days!

  • Chocolate Covered Daydreams

    She is funny but definitely innocently curious. I thought my dad was the best thing since sliced bread when I was kid. Me and my twin sis would sit on his lap at the same time and just grin from ear to ear.

    And what was his response?

  • Poconut

    Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha! That's awesome!!

  • Adoption of Jane

    LOL!!

  • Robin

    Wow its just a stones throw to puberty from here …nowadays I think it comes sooner…we went through that too…I have 2 girls and they definitely tried to cozy up with him…Itll pass…as they get older, they'll just play on his emotions and learn the art of manipulation to melt his heart and get their way….LOL..!!

  • Mrsblogalot

    OMG!!! hilarious!!!

  • JennyMac

    HHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa. I am going to laugh about this many times. And tell JohnnyMac.

    When Mini was just a wee giggly baby I kissed him once and he stuck his tongue in my mouth. Shudder.

  • Kate@And Then I Was a Mom

    You know, there might be something wrong with me. As soon as I read about the tongue-touching request, all I could think of is "DON'T DO IT, HUSBAND! PRESCHOOLER TONGUES ARE THE HIDDEN HOME OF THE PLAGUE."

    Perhaps my daughter needs to be checked out by an immunologist. Or her mother by a nice, trusted psychiatrist.

  • singedwingangel

    roflmbo ummm welll yeah nothing like a show stopper ..

  • MODG

    omg i have a huge fear that I will have a jealousy war with my future daughter over B.

    ps gross.

  • Two Normal Moms

    Oh so funny – and so glad she is still an innocent little 4 year old! :-) Too cute!
    ***Ally

  • The (Un)Experienced Mom

    LOL! I'll make sure to pay attention to hubby more, too since I too make out with, er, am on the computer a lot!

    So cute though….

    Tamara
    http://www.theunexperiencedmom.com

  • Arizona Mamma

    You'll have to tell that story at her wedding some day. I am dying over here trying to imagine the reaction in your house after that.

  • Kimberly

    Ahhh!

    Don't make a big deal about it.

    Laugh about it after they are in bed. My kids are so funny, and the things they say and do makes for comedy at night for my hubby and I.

  • Emily Chester Rothwell

    Awesome! I actually have a little black book where I write down silly stuff Parker says… I need to publish it!

  • blueviolet

    Oh girl, time to PUT OUT!!!

  • Tiffany

    ooh girl– i smell trouble…

  • Kriste

    LMAO! The things they say at that age.

  • Chatty Girl

    I enjoyed this so much and related so much!!! Thanks for sharing

  • mama-face

    LOL.

    "Anytickle" just adds a little something to the story.

  • gayle

    Kids say the cutes things.. I can't remember how old your girls are but lately my grandson is into…licking!!

  • Cassie

    My four year old is like that too. Lately he's all Mommy I want to sleep on you.

  • Cara Smith

    Unfortunately a totally normal thing. I can't tell you how many times my daughter has got me.

  • Zeemaid

    *LOL* kids are hysterical.

    Thanks so much for the follow.. love your site.

  • Mindy

    chuckle, snicker, snort!

  • Tattoos and Teething Rings

    Oh no she di-in't!

  • Me-Me King

    OMG! I have a male friend whose grandmother slipped him the tongue once. Even though he told that story 30 years ago, I still laugh.

  • Helene

    OMG, that's the funniest thing I've read in a long time!

    But…food for thought…at least she asked before she did it. We were at the park last summer and while I was changing on the little twins' diapers some lady comes up to me and says, "are those two yours?" and I look up to see her pointing at Cole and Bella who were standing facing each other, tongue to tongue. I was mortified!!

  • Shandal

    *crickets* LOL My hubs would be mortified too. Hilarious!

  • JoeyRes

    My hubby has the shaved bald head. My daughter gives him a hearty full tongue lick on the head every now and again. Says it tastes like pepperoni.

    I'm not making this up.