Sea of Solitary : Michael Lombardi

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In his own words, Michael Lombardi says:

When I’m not defending the streets of Gotham under cover of night, I’m

a stay-at-home dad to two dogs and one human. I’m in my early thirties

and have been married since 2005. We met at Florida State, where I got

a BS. After that, I did a myriad of things before becoming a stay at

home dad. Most of them sucked. As work tends to do. Some day I’ll

probably work again, but I’m a pretty damn good dad, so I’m gonna ride

this out for a while.

******

I’m a piece of trash in the ocean. Occasionally I bump into a
school of fish, a magnificent whale, or a colony of jellyfish. I write
my story as the seas are calm and I write my story as the seas are
filled with the rage of a betrayed god on Mount Olympus.

As a kid, I was always interested in writing. It was something
teachers always said I was good at and lots of people have told me
they like my style over the years. There was a time when I thought I
might want to write or be a journalist and was basically told by the
adults in my life that people couldn’t support themselves
writing for a living.

I chose a different path. Instead of doing what I was good at and
honing my skills I chose what I was most fascinated by. Not at all an
entirely bad idea, but it was a different kind of passion. It turns
out what I was most fascinated by, I wasn’t even all that good
at. I did fairly well in high school because high school’s
pretty much a joke. I struggled in college. I actually had to repeat a
few classes. It was hard on someone that had so much success in
K-12.

Now I write for me.

I’m a stay-at-home dad and don’t get much time, but
it’s really easy to fill that time with writing. I can write a
paragraph or two if I don’t have much time. I can write for
hours if I have hours to write. Generally I can’t stay focused
on one task that long, but that’s another can of worms.

I struggle with a hand full of chronic conditions. Nothing
amazingly serious. At least, not as long as I stay properly treated.
The combination of them will likely kill me, but hopefully not for 50
years. It’s for that reason that I wanted to start writing more
regularly. I started a blog, I’m Not Infectious, to chronicle my
life both with the normal ups and downs of the life of a human, a
husband, a dad, etc. as well as my life with anxiety, depression,
irritable bowel syndrome, sleep apnea and a handful of other
things.

Along with the anxiety and depression I have other things that
don’t end up in the DSM like low self-esteem from growing up in
an emotionally abusive environment. I’m thankful it wasn’t
physical abuse, but it still left an indelible mark on who I am. And
the opening paragraph was a peek into how I feel with regularity.

I’m trash because I was never told I was anything better. In
my world are the people that come and go in groups I will never be
apart of, the schools of fish. Of course, there are the majestic
mammals of the open ocean that I bump into. My interactions are
fleeting and I always wish I had them in my life more. But
there’s also the jellyfish that are just a bunch of people that
stick together and cause pain. Think Queen Bees and Wannabes,
the inspiration for the Mean Girls.

There are over 7 billion people on this planet. There are millions
within just a thousand miles of where I live. There’s probably a
dozen people who see me as more than just trash. Those are pretty
crappy numbers. Sometimes I need to remember it doesn’t matter
what the others think or feel about me. Sometimes I just need to put
my words and thoughts out there. Even if they’re never read.
Even if it’s just to tell the universe that I while I’m
here I won’t be kept silent.

And so I write.

 

Find Michael on Twitter.

Find Michael on Facebook.

MORE ABOUT MICHAEL on his About.me page!

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  • Deborah Cruz

    Michael,
    I think we all feel like this; we writers are a bunch of loners at our core. We need the head space to assemble our thoughts. You are not alone. I have been getting to know you a bit over the past few months via FB and my blog. You have a lot to say and a way with your words. Writing is a way of life for most of us, it is our most basic compulsion to process emotion through the written word. You are not trash, my friend, you are just like the rest of us struggling to navigate this crazy world and document the journey.

    • http://www.imnotinfectious.com/ Michael Lombardi

      Thank you very much for the words, Deborah. I have enjoyed adding you to my life and seeing your perspective on things that is often different from my own. I hope to see more of you in the future.

  • Renee Jacobson

    Yup. You’re a writer, no doubt about it. I think we writers often feel like outsiders because we live in our heads. It takes us a while to figure out what we feel and put it down on paper. I recently went to a party where I felt like that piece of trash in the ocean bumping up against all the schools of pretty fish.

    But I’m guessing I didn’t look like that on the outside, though.

    In fact, I know I didn’t.

    If I were to tell you that from the looks of your avatar, you look like a happy person, the guy of guy I’d love to sit down and chat with, would that surprise you? I think we are all traveling down this same road — the pretty people, too. Just keep plodding along and know you are not alone.

    • http://www.imnotinfectious.com/ Michael Lombardi

      Thank you for the sweet words, Renee. I absolutely live in my head. I don’t do well in social situations though. I’m fine with interacting, but I have some weird quirks (like that I don’t drink).

      Yes, that very much surprises you. I don’t think of someone as looking at me and thinking they would want to have a conversation. Feel free to pull up a virtual chair to my table and I’d love to chat with you.

  • Mary @ A Teachable Mom

    Ditto to Renee and Deborah – you express yourself beautifully and you are not alone. I go through times feeling exactly the same way though no one would ever know on the outside. And I’m always amazed at how many others feel the same way. I hope you’ll keep sharing your light through your writing. Hugs to you.

    • http://www.imnotinfectious.com/ Michael Lombardi

      Thank you so much, Mary. I’ve been touched by the words you readers have shared. *hugs* right back at ya.

  • http://goodgirlgoneredneck.blogspot.com Andrea B.

    This made me start to well up with tears, “I’m trash because I was never told I was anything better. In my world are the people that come and go in groups I will never be apart of, the schools of ” … it is the people who did not tell you who are the trash, my new friend. So many of us have that feeling, and yet we don’t know how to word it or what to do with it. So you’ve channeled it into words and writing and being. Nice to meet you and thank you for sharing. This was beautiful, despite being sad in some parts, as well.

    • http://www.imnotinfectious.com/ Michael Lombardi

      Thank you, Andrea. It does read rather sad, and I’m sorry I made you fight back tears. I’d really prefer everyone in my orbit get happier, as opposed to getting more sad. I am excited to connect with you more on social media now that we’re following each other.

  • http://genieinablog.com. Leigh Ann

    It’s good to hear your story, Michael. Thank you for sharing.

    • http://www.imnotinfectious.com/ Michael Lombardi

      Leigh Ann, thank you so much for reading. If you were here, I’d find it hard not to hug you. But I’m not really good at that sort of thing, so I’d just try to send you hug vibes. And that’s something I can even do from here, so I’m sending them to you now.

  • Lisa Allen

    You are anything but trash, though I understand thinking that when it’s all you hear. Words are so powerful–the ones we say AND the ones we don’t’–and I love seeing how you’ve taken command of yours. xo

    • http://www.imnotinfectious.com/ Michael Lombardi

      Thank you Lisa. It’s funny how important those words are. I try to shower my kid with positive words and hope to avoid negative reinforcement in the future.

      • Lisa Allen

        That’s my goal as well, Michael. I think what’s important is that we break the cycle, even when we’re winging it. Sounds like you’re doing just that :)