Rockin’ the Baby

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I couldn’t resist linking up with Shell of Things I Can’t Say for this meme about babies. It’s no secret that we struggled with infertility and it took lots of Clomid, IUI, and finally two rounds of IVF before we finally conceived our twin girls. I delivered Abby and Izzy the day after a huge snowstorm in December of 2005. They were born at 34 weeks, and as a result had to stay in the NICU for three weeks before they were ready to come home. Most of these pics are from that time period. Looking through old photos was emotional as well as frightening. I’m about to do this all over again, unexpectedly. In a little over three months we will welcome a third daughter home. And I’m thoroughly unprepared and anxious. I see myself in these pictures and it’s like another person—another time. Can I do this again?

Rockin' the Baby with Shell Things.

Rockin' Baby Izzy, 2 days old. Puffy but happy Mommy, Rockin' the hospital gowns.

They were so tiny. Four pounds each. I was terrified to hold them. Afraid I might crumple or snap them in two like a twig; but after everything we’d been through, I had to get over it, so I jumped in. I was so deleriously happy I barely remember the c-section pain because it was obliterated by my joy at their arrival.

Rockin' Baby Abby, 3 days old. After my first shower, I shed the gowns in favor of preggo pajamas.

 

Fortunately neither of the girls required oxygen, but the rest of the tubes were intimidating (feeding tubes and heart monitors). 

Abby & I after a difficult nursing session.

 

Because the girls were premature, nursing was an uphill battle. They couldn’t get the latching thing down, they fell asleep at the wheel, and having two hungry babies to deal with at the same time was overwhelming for me to say the least. Despite help from lactation consultants, despite drowning in my own guilt and tears, I had to give up on the idea of breastfeeding. I pumped exclusively until the girls were about 3 1/2 months old.

Baby twins, snoozing away...(with feeding tubes)

Holding hands in Daddy's lap. Izzy on the left, Abby on the right.

Getting close to going HOME! Mommy feeling more human again!

Going home! December 31, 2005!!

 

And now, 5 1/2 years later? The familiar fears are resurfacing. I am pregnant with our third and last daughter, a complete miracle. Worried I won’t remember how to “do” this. Scared the nursing won’t work again. Nervous that I’ve forgotten how to change a diaper and bathe a slippery newborn. Not sure how I will juggle 5 year-old twins and kindergarten with a baby. Anxious about the delivery–will it be another c-section, or a VBAC? How long will it take my body to bounce back this time? Will the girls become jealous and even more demanding, or will they settle into the roles of big sisters with ease and be helpful to me?

Time will tell.

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  • Anonymous

    Awww look how tiny.. and of course you can do this again.This is old hat now mama.. I had one in Kindergarten, one in 4th grade and a newborn. It was interesting but we survived. My niece’s bf just delivered her 3 baby and it weighs 2lb 4 oz. My mom was smitten, now she wants to go volunteer at the NICU to be adopted granny..

    • Anonymous

      Ok, Angel—I need to put you on speed dial so you can talk me off of the ledge in another few months, mmmm’kay? ;-) xo

  • http://oldtweener.com Sherri

    Oh Erin, they are adorable!! And you look so happy….and can you believe you’ll be doing it all again soon?! So sweet..

    • Anonymous

      Sherri,

      Yes, I was soooo happy when they came home from the NICU—but omg, their first night home? About killed us both. Too bad we don’t have any photos of THAT! xoxo

  • http://twitter.com/ByWordsMusings Nicole Morgan

    Looking at your face and those tiny blessings …. fills my heart with joy.
    Cannot wait to seeing you rocking a new baby by Christmas!

    • Anonymous

      Nicole,

      Dude, I will be rocking this baby by Halloween! I’m still in shock. ;-) Hope you have a wonderful weekend!

  • http://www.theumbels.com Evonne

    Your girls are beautiful!  And you look so thrilled to finally have them in your life.

    If you weren’t worried about bring baby number 3 into the world, than I would worry about you.  It’s normal.  I hope everything goes well and even if you do experience some bumps in the road, it won’t be anything you can’t handle.

    • Anonymous

      Evonne,

      What do you mean “if” there are some bumps in the road? You are far more optimistic than I, my dear! I am quite sure there will be some rough patches ahead. I just hope I can handle them more gracefully than last time!

  • http://twitter.com/sellabitmum Tracy Morrison

    Oh these pictures are incredible. My first daughter was barely over 4 lbs and I was so afraid to hurt her. Your daughters are so beautiful like their mama. It will be so exciting to meet daughter #3..and btw – having 3 girls rocks. xoxo

    • Anonymous

      Tracy,

      Yes, I can relate to the tiny baby phobia…I hope I won’t have to deal with that this time around, though….? Cross your fingers! xoxox

  • Terri Sonoda

    Love all the pictures Erin!  Daughter number 3 will be lucky, indeed, to have an experienced Mommy and two big sisters to fuss over her….oh yea, and Dad too.  I’m so very happy for you and your family.  You will be a rock star!

    • Anonymous

      Haha, Terri! Experienced mommy doesn’t = GOOD mommy! LOL
      I have a feeling I will need a #wineparty and a #whineparty after she arrives. Wanna join me? You can whine about work/homework and I can whine about fussy baby while we booze it up on Twitter. xoxo

  • http://profiles.google.com/twonormalmoms Ally Wilson

    They are tiny and sweet and perfect. As will this next one be. And whatever happens with delivery or nursing or anything else will be… just fine. She’ll thrive in your loving arms, and in the adoring glow of her big sisters.

    • Anonymous

      Ally,

      You always know just what to say. So please come say all this again after she arrives and I’m having a total freak out?!!? MWAH!

  • Anonymous

    Oh, they are such dolls! And you’ll do just fine, mama- it will all come back to you! 

    • Anonymous

      Thanks, Shell! Loved this link up and the bump one, too! ;-)

  • Erin

    Oh yay! Erin they are so adorable! And so glad another miracle is on the way! Can’t wait to to see that adorable bundle of joy!!!

  • http://www.thewatson6.blogspot.com jessica

    Oh my gosh, so adorable. Brings back lots of NICU memories. And? You will do great. I had 12 years in between my kids and all of that mothering comes rushing back the moment they are here.

    • Anonymous

      Thanks for the reassurance, Jessica. I’m glad you’ve walked this walk before and so maybe you can guide me through the rough patches?! ;-) xoxoxo

  • http://twitter.com/galitbreen Galit Breen

    Oh Erin- these pictures, your words are all so very beautiful!

    And you? Will be GREAT as a Mama {again}. I see that with every fiber of my being!

    XO

    • Anonymous

      Galit,

      I wish I shared your vision. I’m scared shitless! AAAAHHHHHHH! xoxox

  • http://www.babesrockinmami.com Stephanie

    I got a few little tears because I’m still so happy that you guys are having a baby with no help at all getting pregnant!  You will do great because you are Erin and that’s what you do. ;]  I was just thinking this morning about how the first month or so of Nathaniel is a blur of happiness and joy to me but Chris remembers it as a sleepless crying filled time haha.

    • Anonymous

      Stephanie,

      I think I am with Chris—most of the girls’ first few months is a blur of crying for me—-theirs AND mine, hahaha!

  • http://twobearsfarm.blogspot.com Varunner7

    I love all the sweet pictures Erin!  What beautiful babies you had.  You know the chances are strong you’ll carry longer and have a bigger baby this time around – which in turn will likely lead to easier breastfeeding, so try not to worry.  And if it doesn’t work out, your older girls now are living proof that formula works too!  (((hugs))) 

    • Anonymous

      Lisa,

      Very true—I do hope bigger baby = easier nursing. And yes, formula works, thank goodness. Thanks for coming by and for the hugs! xo

  • http://profiles.google.com/randomblogette Random Blogette

    Looking at these pictures brought back so many emotions for me too. Paige was so tiny too and had a horrible time breastfeeding. I actually was brought to tears by the horribly mean lactation consultant. Luckily I had to start giving her formula anyways after about 3 weeks because we found out she had PKU and they couldn’t measure what she was taking in from breastfeeding.

    I just have to say that I absolutely love that black and white picture. I know that you will be able to handle everything so well. And remember you always have us here for support!

    • Anonymous

      Jayme,

      You are such a doll! Yes, I had to deal with some meanie lactation consultants, too. I think I would’ve gone to pumping/bottles sooner if they hadn’t been so pushy & insistent? But I am getting a second chance. It may be me—maybe I’m not cut out for it. Some people aren’t. Who knows. But thank you for stopping by and weighing in on this. I’m so lucky to have you!! xoxo

  • http://makemommygosomethingsomething.com Kimberly

    I think all that you need to give is love and everything else will fall in place. You’re going to do just fine my friend.

    • Anonymous

      Kimberly,

      You are so sweet! Thank you. I feel all warm & fuzzy now! ;-) xoxo

  • http://twitter.com/Equigeek Terri Brosnan

    Great piece and pics Erin. I was adamant about feeding my first, and couldn’t. Felt so guilty for so long, but then the twins came along and seemed to know what they were doing from day 1. 
    I learned that each baby is different, and I wasn’t as caught up in being the perfect mom. Rescue remedy helped with the let down reflex, and I didn’t give myself such a hard time.
    You’ll be fantastic whatever happens. Congratulations on this miracle, and on your beautiful girls.

  • http://twitter.com/Equigeek Terri Brosnan

    Great piece and pics Erin. I was adamant about feeding my first, and couldn’t. Felt so guilty for so long, but then the twins came along and seemed to know what they were doing from day 1. 
    I learned that each baby is different, and I wasn’t as caught up in being the perfect mom. Rescue remedy helped with the let down reflex, and I didn’t give myself such a hard time.
    You’ll be fantastic whatever happens. Congratulations on this miracle, and on your beautiful girls.

    • Anonymous

      Terri,

      Thank you so much for this….can I ask a dumb question? What is “rescue remedy?”

  • http://twitter.com/Equigeek Terri Brosnan

    Great piece and pics Erin. I was adamant about feeding my first, and couldn’t. Felt so guilty for so long, but then the twins came along and seemed to know what they were doing from day 1. 
    I learned that each baby is different, and I wasn’t as caught up in being the perfect mom. Rescue remedy helped with the let down reflex, and I didn’t give myself such a hard time.
    You’ll be fantastic whatever happens. Congratulations on this miracle, and on your beautiful girls.

  • http://www.thekircorner.com Kir

    oh those beautiful girls….Oh my. These pictures bring back so many memories for me…and feelings of HOPE, VICTORY, LOVE…and I am so happy that we’ve been through all of this together…to be able to look at each other’s pictures and remember how amazing this time in our lives were.
    love my friend. xo

  • http://www.thekircorner.com Kir

    oh those beautiful girls….Oh my. These pictures bring back so many memories for me…and feelings of HOPE, VICTORY, LOVE…and I am so happy that we’ve been through all of this together…to be able to look at each other’s pictures and remember how amazing this time in our lives were.
    love my friend. xo

  • http://www.thekircorner.com Kir

    oh those beautiful girls….Oh my. These pictures bring back so many memories for me…and feelings of HOPE, VICTORY, LOVE…and I am so happy that we’ve been through all of this together…to be able to look at each other’s pictures and remember how amazing this time in our lives were.
    love my friend. xo

    • Anonymous

      Kir,

      I know what you mean!! ;-) Can’t believe how time has flown. And how lucky we are. Le sigh! Have a great weekend!

  • http://thetwinspin.blogspot.com Leigh Ann

    Oh I love these photos! My girls’ NICU photos are some of my very favorites. The feeding tubes, the tiny bodies sleeping in the boppy. Lovely.

    • Anonymous

      Leigh Ann,

      I love the photos too, but the feeding tubes always gave me the creeps, especially since both girls loved pulling them out and then they had to be reinserted (which was too traumatic for me to stay to watch)….hopefully we won’t have to deal with that this time around?!

  • Taming Insanity

    What gorgeous girls – mama included! I can’t wait to see your new addition

    • Anonymous

      KLZ,

      We can’t wait to see her, either. We’re so curious to meet her. It’s gonna be interesting for sure! xoxoxo

  • http://viewsfromnature.com Carrie

    You made it with 2, 1 will be a piece of cake! And the fact your girls are taken care of at least part of the day while in kindergarten will make it a breeze :)

    Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

    • Anonymous

      Carrie,

      Yes, the time frame with kindergarten really helps us out! But a breeze? I don’t know—we’ll see, but I hope you’re right! ;-) Have a lovely weekend!

  • http://www.bellebeanchicagodog.com/ Liz

    Aww, Abby and Izzy are so sweet!

    • Anonymous

      :-) Thank you, Liz! xoxo

  • http://barbarainclermont.blogspot.com Barbara

    They are just the sweetest!  My son was a preemie too, but luckily we only had to spend a total of 11 days in the hospital before they let us go home!  Congrats on your third!

    • Anonymous

      Thank you so much, Barbara. Yes, preemies last go round, but hoping that won’t happen with a singleton this time. I guess you never know. Thanks for coming by & have a wonderful weekend!

  • http://littlebitlife.blogspot.com/ Diana

    Jellybean was a preemie too and my happiest moment was when he was off all the tubes too! I hated them. Hope the nursing goes better this time!

    • Anonymous

      Thanks, Diana!

      Aren’t those tubes the worst? I won’t miss them this time around (knock wood, of course). Thanks for stopping by & have a great weekend!

  • http://goodgirlgoneredneck.blogspot.com Andrea B.

    Love these precious moments shots, Erin. Thanks for sharing them and I am sure you are going to be an incredible mama to baby girl #3, despite all the new chaos that will take over your home, you’re an experienced mama now. It’s like riding a bike or something – isn’t it? ;) I tease, I know you’ll be fantastic!

    • Anonymous

      Andrea,

      Oh, that it was as easy as riding a bike! HAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHA! I’m gonna come after you when this one arrives and make you pay for that—-snort!

  • http://twitter.com/amandaaustin Amanda

    I have so many things to say about this…first, your babies were so precious. I’m choosing my fav pic on all these posts, and my fav here is definitely the girls holding hands. How wonderful!

    I’m also very sad that you felt so much guilt with the BF thing. You pumped for 3.5 months??? Amazing. I have to pump enough for 3 bottles a day and it stresses me out. I can’t imagine pumping exclusively, and if I had to do it I wouldn’t have lasted 3 months.

    I read somewhere that  your breasts increase the ability to produce milk every cycle until you’re 35….so 5 years ago if you weren’t able to, this time it might be a different story. Plus? only one baby.

    So I have faith in you :)

    But also, dont’ ever let your guilt bring you down if you can’t. I struggle with these feelings as well, but they are counterproductive!!! I had so much trouble at the beginning nursing too, so when the time comes and you need someone to vent to, I’m here!!

    • Anonymous

      Amanda,

      You are the sweetest! I still feel guilty about the nursing thing, and am so desperate for it to go more smoothly this time around since I’ll only have one to deal with…the anticipation is the hardest part for me—waiting to see how it’s gonna all pan out.

  • Holly G

    Aww! You will totally survive – and thrive! In fact, to be honest,
    you’ll really love the chance to experience a singleton. Even with mine
    all so close in age, it was really nice to experience what it’s like to
    have one infant. Thank you so much and congrats to you as well!!

    ~Holly

    Twins Plus One, Three Times the Fun

    • Anonymous

      Holly G,

      Thank you! I am eager to experience the singleton thing…but still nervous! You give me hope. Have a great weekend! ;-)

  • http://mamawantsthis.blogspot.com Mama Wants This

    Beautiful girls! Love the one of them holding hands – I saw twins who looked just like yours at the hospital where I had my son. They were in the nursery sleeping side by side – and holding hands! I melted into a puddle on the floor.

    Congratulations on your miracle! You’ll do great and the twins will love being big sisters! (and never feel bad about not breastfeeding, you did what was best for them)

    • Anonymous

      MamaWantsThis,

      I hope you are right about the big sister part—I am not sure if they will end up wanting to be TOO helpful, or if they will be really jealous…time will tell, I guess!

  • http://tiaras-and-trucks.blogspot.com Angela

    They are beyond precious :)  You will remember.  You will rock your new daughter just like your teeny bundles of cuteness.  And bathing one slippery babe has to be easier than two, so you’re already one step ahead. 

    • Anonymous

      Angela,

      Thanks for the vote of confidence! ;-) And happy weekend!

  • http://twitter.com/juliecgardner Julie Gardner

    You Margolin ladies are just so gorgeous. All three of you.

    Good thing there’s another one on the way…Because you make some beautiful baby girls; some beautiful miracles, for sure.

    • Anonymous

      Julie,

      THank you, sweets! Actually? I thought Abby in particular looked like a little old man when she was born, and for a long time afterwards. Hahahahahhahahaa!

  • AwayWeGoNancy

    You do look so glorious. And you will when sweet baby girl #3 comes along. We’ve talked already, and I’ll just reiterate the main thing: it’s not about how, it’s about the end result. A fresh sheet of paper. A new life, with her own face on.

    • Anonymous

      Nancy,

      You’re right. I need to focus. But I’m so, so scared. Thank you….for being you, and for being my friend.

  • http://www.adayinmollywood.com molly

    Wow, I did not know your story. I don’t think I even realized you had twin girls! My best friend just had twin boys in Jan and even though they didn’t have a very long NICU stay (12 days) I saw how it broke my friend apart to leave her babies. She is the strongest person I know but she was crushed under the weight of all that worry!

    I’m sure your story will be different this time. Every birth/baby is different! I wish you a wonderful experience with baby girl #3. Thanks for sharing your story and your photos. They are precious!

    • Anonymous

      Molly,

      Thank you! Yes, the NICU stay was difficult, but we survived! I am excited for # 3 and also really nervous! I am sure it’ll all work out fine, but the anticipation is the hardest part.

  • http://www.misselaineouslife.com/ Elaine

    Oh, they are SO tiny and precious!  Double the love… :)

    You’ll be fine honey, I’m sure there will be some crazy days but you’ll get through them and be stronger after it all.  I know I am! ;)  Love the pic of them going home!! 

    • Anonymous

      Elaine,

      I feel like I’m so NOT ready for the crazy days. I’m scared!! xoxo

  • Jdaniel4smom

    What cuties! I know you will be fine! It will be an adjustment, but what cute little one to make the change with.

    • Anonymous

      Jdaniel4smom,

      Thank you! ;-)

  • http://www.fromtracie.com From Tracie

    These pictures are so precious. You have me all teared up.

    Can I just say how skinny and great you look in the going home from the hospital pictures!? Not at all like someone who just had twins.

    As far as your new little girl, and the changes to come go….I know that you will bring the love and everything else will work out. You are a rock star mom! 

    • Anonymous

      Tracie,

      THanks! I think having twins in the NICU and nursing was the best “diet” ever—LOL!

  • Anonymous

    Your pictures are awesome and you will remember…andjuggle everything just fine

    • Anonymous

      Kisatrtle,
      Thank you! I hope you are right! ;-) Happy Friday!

  • MelanieCClark

    Sweet Erin,
    If you can do it the first time without EVER having done it before, you can do it this time. It’s fine if nursing doesn’t work out in the end, but keep at it. It’s fine if you can’t quite remember how to bathe a newborn, it’ll come back…and you have two little sets of hands that will want to help mommy and baby sister, so who knows? You have a million things to look forward to!!!

  • Lady Jennie

    You look gorgeous and they look gorgeous.  I hope and pray your birth and nursing will be everything you wish.

  • Anonymous

    You’ll be great! I swear, I think moms who survive multiples could rule the world.

  • http://twitter.com/AshAtShades Ash at Shades

    Oh that one of them holding hands. Priceless.

    You’re going to rock this baby, literally and figuratively, I’m positive. She’ll be your buddy, your shadow, your one thing you never knew you were missing. I can’t wait to meet her too.