Relief

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a delicate strand of an afternoon–

her threads are unraveling, hanging off.

she’s thankful for the friend who’s a phone call away.

they devour sandwiches, both tired, hungry, worn thin by this day, its drama and defeats.

mustard and mayonnaise drip down the bread. a shared hunger for more than just food–hungry to be heard, understood and loved.

after, they sit in the shade of the porch watching the trees whisper. the leaves tell stories. a butterfly, an old soul, flits by, waving its wings and leaving a trail of tenderness behind.

they sneak cigarettes, passing the lighter back and forth. the mixture of nicotine, the warm wind, and the shared silence–not having to say a word, but still feeling comfortable in the quiet–brings relief.

smoking-girl

smoking girl

read to be read at yeahwrite.me

linked up with Yeah Write

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  • Cindy ~ The Reedster Speaks

    Erin, I know you want “con crit” but I got nothing. This was so evocative in so few words, with no dialogue, yet dripping with time and place and emotion. 

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Cindy,

      and your comment: “dripping w/ time, place & emotion” stopped me in my tracks. thank you, friend.

  • http://www.fromtracie.com From Tracie

    I’m left with no words. This is beautiful. Every single word is perfect – not too many, not too few. 

    Soulful. 

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Thank you, Tracie! xoxoxo

  • http://guerrillamom.blogspot.com/ Guerrilla Mom

    God, this makes me miss the friendships I left in California.  And cigarettes.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Guerrilla Mom,

      It makes me miss other friendships too. And I keep wanting to buy some cigs.

  • Tara_pohlkottepress

    ahh. yes.  i have these friendships.  and in this time in my life i crave them like none other.  you take me right to the heart of it.  love it.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Tara,

      This is a compliment of the highest sort, coming from you. I’m glad you liked it. I crave these friendships, too. And sometimes I am sad that a lot of my friendships are virtual, through the computer screen. And that my husband will never understand.

  • http://www.postdivorcechronicles.com LeeBlock

    I miss my real friends…when are you coming to see me. This made me cry.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      I miss you, too. I don’t know when I’m coming. Life sucks now. We need a phone chat to catch up. xoxoxo

  • http://twitter.com/saalon Eric Sipple

    This is really beautiful work. I’m always at a loss to say something constructive about verse and poetic writing – it’s something I only ever understand emotionally and not technically. It either hits me or I can’t find my way inside of its emotions. The imagery in this was vivid, the mix of melancholy and relief powerful; what I’m saying is I *felt it*. Amazing job.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Eric,

      I’m honored and the fact that I made you “feel” it means I’ve succeeded. So thank you for sharing that with me. And thank you for your vagina post, which I voted for. I love it so hard! I’m going to keep sharing it, too.

      Happy Thursday!

  • http://profiles.google.com/debawriter San Diego Momma (Deb)

    This is beautifully written. And I get it.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      San DIego Momma,

      Thank you so much!

  • http://momfog.com/ Erin @Momfog

    I love it.  

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Erin,

      So happy!
      From the other Erin ;-)

  • http://www.mayorgia.blogspot.com/ Mayor Gia

    Those kind of friends are the best..

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Mayor Gia,

      I know, right? Sigh. I need more days like these w/ my besties.

  • http://makemommygosomethingsomething.com/ Kimberly

    This post is so comforting. Love it.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      THank you, Kimberly. and you know what? YOU are a comfort to me.
      Happy almost Friday!

  • Lovethatmax

    Beautiful, Erin. I miss my friends, whom I don’t see nearly enough. Tonight, though: Mom’s night OUT!

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Ellen,

      How was girls’ night out? What did you do? Where did you go? So glad you took some time for yourself!xoxoxo

  • http://finallymom.blogspot.com/ christina

    this makes me miss my BFF (we live in different states). and smoking.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Christina,

      It’s no fun to have BFFs who live far away. I know the feeling well. Thanks so much for reading and relating!

  • http://anymommyoutthere.com/ Anymommy

    The essence of friendship.  Beautifully done.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Anymommy,

      I’m humbled by your comment. Thank you… :-)

  • http://twitter.com/juliecgardner Julie Gardner

    This Kicks Ass. (yes it does.)

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Julie,

      COming from you—I almost believe it… ;-)

      Hugs, sweet, lovely friend!

  • http://www.happinesscubed.net/ Dawn

    Beautifully told, Erin. 

    I love that you were able to paint such a detailed picture without dialogue. You gave just enough detail to give my mind something to build off of, and made it easy for me to develop the characters for myself.
    Great work!

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Thank you so much, Dawn! I appreciate the constructive criticism. I wanted readers to be able to imagine it for themselves, or to even put themselves into the scene if they related enough. 
      Happy Thursday!

  • http://twitter.com/ashleytaylor76 The Dose of Reality

    I am always in awe of writing that is so few words can capture so much. This right here is that. I could see the scene, could taste the sandwich, could smell the smoke, could feel the friendship. That is what makes you a writer. 

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Ashley,

      Thank you, dollface. You are my biggest cheerleader. I don’t know what to say. Also, I’m afraid I will never do it again. Poetry makes me nervous and I don’t write a lot of it…but this just flowed out. Wish it happened more often! xoxo

  • http://randomreflectionz.com/ Christie

    Oh, you made my miss my Besties so much! They live too far away. Simple and beautiful – like the best friendships.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Thanks so much, Christie! I miss my besties, too. I’m glad you related to this and thanks so much for reading!

  • Delilah

    Beautiful writing, Erin. As always. Just beautiful. 

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Thank you, sweet Delilah! I don’t know what to say! ;-)

      HUGS!

  • Kathleen

    Loved this. There is nothing like a friend you can share quiet with…and secret cigs. :)

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Kathleen,

      Thanks so much! Friends are the best!

  • Jmjmas

    Oh Erin – you are such an artist!!! You paint such a realistic picture that makes me feel like I was sitting right next to you – eating sandwiches, smoking cigarettes & watching butterflies in the sky. ;) The simple word “Relief” is absolutely how I feel when I have a day like that with one of my besties! Our need for these special friendships – this kind of respite – this kind of RELIEF from the sometimes mundane, hectic and/or overwhelming day(s) in the life of a momma is so necessary. I am so happy to read this post & to truly understand… You are a magnificent mom, friend, writer & woman. Xoxoxo

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Thanks, Jmjmas/Meg!
       I miss you!
      xoxoxo

  • http://DearHarrison.com/ Michael Gray

    Very powerful imagery in such few words.  Well done.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Michael,

      I appreciate this so much. THank you, and Happy Almost Friday!

  • http://twitter.com/Dalrie Carebear

    I love your words. Such gorgeous imagery!

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Thanks so very much, Carebear!

  • Shiftless Mommie

    Beautiful.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      ShiftlessMommie,

      Thanks and big hugs!

  • http://twitter.com/mannahattamamma MannahattaMamma

    this image makes me miss smoking. i loved that pause, the flare of the match, that first inhale. ah. 

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Mannahattamamma,

      Ah yes! I was never a regular smoker, just a social smoker. But I know of what you speak! 

  • Jay – Dude of the House

    Lovely. And you made me hungry at the same time. 

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Jay,

      So what did you eat? something with mustard & mayo? ;-)

      • Jay – Dude of the House

        The only condiment I like less than mustard is mayo. So I had some ketchup instead :)

  • http://www.outlawmama.com/ Christie O Tate

    Damn, I am DYING for a cigarette now.  And a butterfly.  And a porch.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Christie,

      Let’s find some and meet up! Happy almost Friday!

  • http://www.jamiemiles.com/blog SouthMainMuse

    I love your description of the sandwich. Makes me think of how drippy tomato sandwiches are in high summer. Love the writing. Great imagery. 

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      southMainMuse,

      Thank you so much for the compliments! Much appreciated. Glad you enjoyed it!

  • Vinobaby

    Well that just totally brought me back to a certain period in my life. Vivid and lovely.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Vinobaby,

      Aw, thanks so much! I’m glad you related to it.
      Happy almost Friday!

  • Mamamash

    I’ve been there before. And I tasted mayonnaise when I read this.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Mamamash,

      LOVE this comment. I’m so glad.  ;-)

  • Michelle Longo

    Sneaking a cigarette with a dear friend.  You reminded me of what I’m craving right now.  Great post.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Michelle,

      Thanks, kind one! Hope you’re having an awesome day and I’m so glad the weekend is nearly here. You?

  • http://www.alittlesomethingforme.com/ Kristen

    I’m going to chew some niccorette gum. haven’t smoked in years. still chew the gum when i need it. like now. 

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Kristen,

      Sorry I made you need the gum! That wasn’t my intention!
      ;-(
      Thanks for reading despite that.

  • 50 Peach

    Oh, this is beautiful. Your phrasing is so vivid. I love that you say so much with so few words.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      50 Peach,

      Thank you so very much—means more than you know! Have a lovely day!

  • http://twitter.com/WriteRinseBlog Write, Rinse, Repeat

     I love the way you write.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Write, Rinse, Repeat,

      I could say the same about you—so glad we’ve connected through Yeah Write!