Not All Pregnant Women Are Smug.

Posted on August 22, 2011 by erin

So, apparently Pregnant Women Are Smug. Or at least that is what this hilarious YouTube video claims:

 Pregnant Women Are Smug  go watch it, I’ll wait….seriously. You don’t wanna miss this one.

I need to tell you a few things, although I won’t be singing with a guitar and a partner:

  • I may indeed be pregnant, but I am not smug; however, I am irritable, sweaty, constantly starving, large & in charge, and prone to sudden, lurching movements. And loud snoring.

 

  • I am having a girl. It’s never been a secret. It’s also no secret that I kinda wanted a boy to balance out the surplus of drama, er, estrogen we have around here. I blame the husband, because we all know sperm determine a baby’s gender.

  

  • Her name is going to be Piper. It’s not a secret. If you don’t like it, I don’t want to hear about it. When you have a parasite festering in your belly, you get to name it. You do not have license to critique our name choice or make alternative suggestions.*Thanks to my awesome #CIP pal, Lori (@LipDesign on Twitter, follow her!), for this awesome pic of me!*

 

  • I am neither beautiful nor glowing; I am neither Mother Earth nor radiant. I am, quite simply, miserable. I have a 25-pound sack of potatoes hanging off of my stomach and it’s cumbersome.

 

  • I can’t reach my cankles. I can’t breathe. I can’t tie my shoes. I can barely shave my legs. And you call this “a glorious time?” Whatevs.

 

  • PSA: Pregnancy is NOT NINE MONTHS, people. It’s 40 weeks, which = 10 months. Get yer heads outta your asses. Ten months of pure hell.

 

  • Got flatulence? Got heartburn? Got zits? Got boobs that need their own zip code? You gots a baby in your belly, ‘den.

 

  • I have a triple chin, even my voice sounds like it’s put on some pounds, and I look like this when I try to gracefully drape myself on the couch:
Jabba the Hutt courtesy of Photobucket.com

 

And here's what my underwear looks like, courtesy of Photobucket.com

This entry was posted in Favorite Posts, Home + Family and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.
  • http://profiles.google.com/randomblogette Random Blogette

    I heart you and your non-adorableness. Which screw you, you are adorable. And I totally love the name Piper. I have loved it since I used to watch Charmed!! Oh yeah and one more thing…nice rack! ;) My boobs have always needed another zip code. Welcome to the club.

    • Anonymous

      Jayme,

      You are so cute & funny! I never watched Charmed, always heard I was missing out. Happened upon the name in a book of baby names and instantly fell in love with it!
      xoxo

  • http://www.fromtracie.com From Tracie

    Do I get to tell you how much I LOVE the name Piper? Because I do. It is super cute. 

    • Anonymous

      Thank you, Tracie! xoxox

  • http://twitter.com/DooneyPug Lori Finnigan

    I’m sorry Erin but I loved the video.  It fits those pregnant chicks who act just like the video says they do, and they’re out there for sure.  You, however, are NOT one of those wacko-preggos. You wrap your arms around all that is being pregnant, the reality of it all.  That’s why you are just too darn cute.

    Regarding the whole boob zip code nightmare: Mine journeyed to that place and unfortunately never left.  I want my pre-preggo boobs back.

    Great pic by LP!

    xoxo

    • Anonymous

      Lori,

      I loved the video, too—I could NOT stop laughing! And am so grateful to LP for her help w/ my pic.

      Don’t scare me about the boobs. First time around went okay….does that mean I’m doomed this time?
      ;-)
      xoxo

  • Anonymous

    Atleast you still have a sense of humor:)

    • Anonymous

      Punken,

      I try to! It’s the only way to get through it sometimes!! ;-)

  • http://twitter.com/CathyLynn_ Cathy Lynn

    I’ll have to watch the video when I get home. But I need to tell you now that the name Piper is wonderful! I love it.

    • Anonymous

      Thanks so much, Cathy! I hope you watched the video b/c it is HILARIOUS! <3

  • Bellotmaria

    Erin, you do look beautiful!! You will see it one day when you look back on this picture 10 years from now. Thanks for the laugh with the other comments that I am feeling also

    • Anonymous

      Maria,

      So happy you came by! How are you feeling? I am miserable! Let’s both hang in there together, ok? xoxoxo

  • http://twitter.com/byladyren Ren

    Great video- I posted it on Facebook- BTW I only have boys but if I had a girl her name would be Piper- another thing we have in common perhaps…

    • Anonymous

      Ren,

      Woohoo! Great minds think alike with the name, then! ;-)

  • http://mommynanibooboo.com Jenni Chiu

    Um…. yup, yup, and yup.  I broke my underwear yesterday.  Then they fell down around my cankles, and I couldn’t bend down to get them.
    I am with you, my friend.  For me, seven weeks can’t come fast enough!

    • Anonymous

      Jenni,

      DUDE! My underwear is so big? I could probably have it pass for a flag if I hung it from a pole. HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA

  • http://www.DanaReeves.com Dana Reeves

    You do so look radiant! but in a good way, not the super hella-annoying way. :-)
    Thanks for giving me a case of the giggles this afternoon – and for helping me remember what it was REALLY like to be preggos! Oy.

    • Anonymous

      Dana,

      Thanks, sweets! Hopefully I restored some people’s faith in the pregnant female. We’re not ALL smug!!! xoxo

  • http://twitter.com/saving4someday Sara Hawkins

    You look adorable. You own your pregnancy and that’s so cool. And, well, so is the name Piper (says the lady with a daughter who has a boys name). That you can maintain your unique sense of humor and continue to see the world in its truth and beauty is so special. As for the boobs, they may have their own zip code now but remember there will be a congressional rezoning postpartum and will soon qualify for their own representative and possible a school busing program if there are sufficient funds.

    • Anonymous

      OMG, Sara, you made me laugh sooo hard! I had to run to the bathroom when I got to the bit about congressional rezoning. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH! xoxox

  • http://tiaras-and-trucks.blogspot.com Angela

    Oooh, I love the name Piper (not that you want nor need my gushing approval) and this made me giggle.  Maybe you should do a retailiation vlog ;)

    • Anonymous

      Angela,

      A vlog, eh? Maybe when I’m screaming my head off in the delivery room? I will be anything but smug then, too! (G-rated, of course)

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jo-Miller/1041410971 Jo Miller

    Erin, I love you and your honesty.  this was a sweet,funny post.  I also know from previous readings that you celebrate & give thanks for this miracle.  this was a great comeback to those smug singers- they may even be a cute SNL post ( not the Old SNL  :0 )
    I love the name Piper & even if I didn’t, I like that our world is blessed by the addition of this soul to our family and will be cared for & loved by your family.
    You keep on having fun.  Keep writing.  xo

    • Anonymous

      Jo,

      Thank you so much! You are a doll! I’m glad I could make you laugh! ;-) HUGS!

  • http://twelvedaysold.blogspot.com Katie Bray

    What is up with people who argue with a parent’s children’s name choice?  There’s a guy at my work who him and his wife didn’t tell anyone what they were naming the baby (family aside) until the baby was born.  I thought that was smart of them, because any other time someone at my work has announced the baby’s name, everyone has an opinion about it.  Usually a rude and tmi opinion about it.

    Also?  The name Piper is so cute.

    • Anonymous

      Thank you, Katie!

      Yeah, That’s why I said the bit about not wanting to hear it if people don’t like it. If you carry the baby in your belly? then it’s your choice! AM I right or what?!?! xo

  • http://www.babesrockinmami.com Stephanie

    sexy lady! haha I like the name.  Not that it matters.

    • Anonymous

      Thank you, Stephanie! Happy you like it!

  • Anonymous

    You look amazing! Of course, I know you feel like shit and just want that baby to be born already. My youngest was born in Sept – I know the hell it is to be pregnant at this time of year. The good news? Yeah, there is some – it’s 40 weeks, not 50 or 60 or… you get the idea :)

    • Anonymous

      Lori,

      I don’t even think I’ll make it to 40 weeks—but time will tell! So you know my pain since you have a September child! I’m  hoping the worst of the heat is over, b/c I am READY for fall! xoxo

  • http://www.thingsicantsay.com shellthings

    I watched the video and then stepped away to make dinner. I was humming “Pregnant women are smug” all while I was cooking. LOL

    And then I came back to read the rest of your post. 

    I will admit that we usually kept the baby names under wraps. B/c we had zero desire for people to comment. We thought that people would be less likely to say anything after the baby was born and forms were filled out and it was too late for their opinions to matter. Not that they would, but it encouraged people not to comment.

    Sorry you are feeling icky. That is pregnancy to me. Not that glowing mother earth stuff. 

    • Anonymous

      Shell,

      Yeah, I do love this video–so funny! And yeah, I agree with you about pregnancy. SO very little of it has been enjoyable. Just a few weeks in the 2nd trimester, that was about it…both times!

  • http://www.misselaineouslife.com/ Elaine

    OMG that video!!!  So hilarious!  I was like you when I was pregnant with K!  SO NOT smug. And her name is AWESOME!!  I’m allowed to say that, right?? ;-)

    Love you and you look great.  

    p.s. loved that you typed “‘den” – so Louisiana- esque! ha!

    • Anonymous

      Elaine,

      Yes, you are allowed, DORK! And yes, was trying to let some of my Southern gal out in dere. Did it come through, chere?  ;-)

      xoxoxo

  • Mindy

    Hilarious! I LOVE the name Piper and wanted a girl name that, but Piper Farmer just doesn’t quite have the ring to it we were looking for. I remember those final weeks (and months!) with everyone telling me how great I looked and feeling miserable, overweight, bloated, and in pain. After baby came, people said to me, “You look so great and so relieved now. You were really struggling at the end.” What the?!! I thought I looked glowing and amazing? LOL

    • Anonymous

      Mindy,

      I know! People are so ridiculous. I can’t leave my house anymore without someone looking me up and down and asking me if I’m due any day. aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!
      xoxoxo
      and yes, I am bloated, miserable, and in pain. I had to put it all out there!

  • Chelsea

    Erin that was funny but I have to disagree with you on one point…. you do look beautiful maybe not the way you want  but the way us older moms feel, their daughters look beautiful when they are pregnant…. so just spread out on that sofa!!!! love you
    Chelsea
     

    • Anonymous

      Thanks, Chelsea! The sofa is my new BFF, basically. I spent A LOT of time there! LOL
      xoxox

  • Mommakiss

    Piper is a fab name. I love it! I had cankles that wouldn’t quit. Cankles are sexy.

    • Anonymous

      Mommakiss,

      If there’s anyone who can make cankles sexy? It’s YOU. Not me.
      MWAH!

  • http://www.postdivorcechronicles.com PostDivorceCoach

    I am cracking up.  Seriously.  This is hilarious. And, I am so glad it isn’t me!

    • Anonymous

      Lee,

      SHUTUP! No gloating allowed. You’ll be sorry! ;-)

  • http://makemommygosomethingsomething.com Kimberly

    I don’t care what anyone says…you’re hot…and facken hilarious

    • Anonymous

      Kimberly,

      hot? N-O-T!  thanks for coming by, girlie! xoxoxox

  • Anonymous

    Don’t forget–funny is sexy! You are hilarious and therefore hot.

    You are so right about the 40 weeks. My first son was born at 41 & 1/2 weeks. I always say I was 10 1/2 months pregnant.

    PS: I LOVE the name Piper. A beautiful little blond girl down the street by that name “informed” my son they’re getting married

    • Anonymous

      Victoria,

      41 1/2 weeks? OMG, you are my hero! How did you deal with that?? You are amazing!

  • http://www.thekircorner.com Kir

    You look gorgeous, GORGEOUS and Pregnant, WOW.

    Plus I love Piper…what a beautiful name for a beautiful little girl. xo

    • Anonymous

      Kirsten,

      Beautiful? We don’t know yet. My Abby looked like a little old man for the longest time after she was born! hehehehehehhehe

  • Taming Insanity

    Piper is the perfect name.

    • Anonymous

      KLZ,

      You are the perfect friend. Love you!

  • http://twitter.com/DancesWithChaos Kelly Kay

     Erin, this is hilarious.

    And so very true, for me at least. I never had a hint of a glow unless you count the sweat dripping from every pore as I experienced Texas’s hottest summer on record during my third trimester.

    Don’t get me started on the gag reflex.

    I was not a fan of pregnancy, only its results.

    My daughter is awake so I’ll have to watch the video later…

    • Anonymous

      Kelly Chaos! Woohoo, so happy you stopped by. Yeah, pregnancy is no fun for me. Maybe a few tolerable weeks in the 2nd trimester, but otherwise? ARGH! I am miserable and ready to be done. And I’m so OVER summer. Blerg!

  • http://twitter.com/sellabitmum Tracy Morrison

    So incredibly funny…and OMG I love your crib bedding. xoxo

    • Anonymous

      Tracy,

      Thank you! Wouldn’t have found it w/o you! and we’re working on curtains now…white background w/ pink polka dots—LOVE! xoxo

  • http://twitter.com/OldTweener Sherri Kuhn

    Oh Erin, you crack me up! And I love the name Piper…so there.

    • Anonymous

      Thank you, sweet Sherri! ;-) MWAH!

  • http://www.theumbels.com Evonne

    I love the name Piper!

    I won’t lie, I loved being pregnant.  Well, at least for the first 2/3 of it.  That last trimester is a bitch!  If I could have seen my huge, swollen feet, I surely would have cut them off!  You look beautiful!  Hang in there.

    • Anonymous

      Evonne,

      For me, the only decent trimester is the 2nd one—1st one is too full of morning sickness and being totally wiped out. Last trimester I’m too big, too tired, and too crabby. Definitely no smug woman here! ;-)

  • http://www.adayinmollywood.com molly

    You? Are hilarious! I concur with all points you’ve made.

    p.s. Piper was my girl name! I’m not even joking. It’s the only name I’ve ever come up with for a girl. Because obviously we have two boys and had to come up with names for them. I love it. Love, love, love.

    • Anonymous

      Thank you, Molly! We must’ve been destined for all girls because we could NEVER agree on any boy names—serious problem! Then again, I think the mom should always have veto power since she’s the one carrying the load.

  • MiMi

    I LOVE the name! And I look like Jabba whenever I try to gracefully drape myself anywhere…and I’m NOT pregnant, so there ya go.

    • Anonymous

      MiMi,

      Maybe we can apply for a Star Wars remake together? I could definitely be a body double. HAHAHAHHAHHAHAHA

  • http://twitter.com/JenAnnHall Just Jennifer

    Excellent post! I dig honesty. I didn’t hate being pregnant, but of course I can relate to much of what you said. And I think only first timers can be smug.

    • Anonymous

      Thanks so much, Jennifer! I don’t totally hate being pregnant, just mostly the 3rd trimester. HAHA! Glad you stopped by!

  • TJ @ Any Given Moment

    Swinging by to say hello to my fellow pregnant friend.  I adore adore adore the name Piper!!!!  Had this babe in my uterus been a girl it would have been Ruby, but now having met 2 dogs and a girl with the name since getting pregnant, I’m glad we are having a boy and not naming him Ruby ;)

    • Anonymous

      CONGRATS, TJ! I am so happy for you! I love the name Ruby, too. But yes, names can be tough in so many ways. I think we were destined to only have girls b/c we can’t ever seem to agree on boy names. Must be for the best! So excited for you! How are you feeling? How far along are you? HUGS!

  • http://twitter.com/juliecgardner Julie Gardner

    You and your 25 pound sack of potatoes named Piper are freaking adorable.
    (And definitely not smug. At all.)

    I love your honesty and I laughed my ass off at the Youtube video so thanks for sharing.

    I was enjoying my kids last day of summer and reading blogs and smiling ~ now this all seems so meaningless – ha!

    Keep on gestating, lady. (And how about when OTHER PEOPLE tell you how quickly your pregnancy has flown by?)

    That’s awesome.

    • Anonymous

      Julie,

      i can’t leave my house EVER now w/o someone saying, “You must be due any day!” SHUT.UP.ALREADY.

      xoxo

  • http://twitter.com/nycpatty Patty

    I love it! You are so honest and I really enjotyed this post! {Hugs}

    • Anonymous

      Thanks, Patty! Appreciate your stopping by!

  • Ally

    You and Piper are super cute – and so is her name. But I love your honesty. It was 10 months of hell for me, too!

    • Anonymous

      Ally,

      THANK YOU for saying 10 months. You just validated me. hahahahahah. And at least all the Barbie stuff will have several years more of life now! xoxo

  • Anonymous

    Oh, Erin! I have not been by for a while but you are indeed beautiful. I do remember how all that feels, however! Good luck with the third girl, clearly your husband did not do his job (haha). Lots of love to you and thanks for sharing that hilarious video. i even stayed to watch the Gay Boyfriend! Too too funny! :-)
    Traci

    • Anonymous

      Traci,

      I’m glad you liked the video–Lee and Tracie were the ones who introduced me to it and I knew then I’d have to write a post about it.

      HUGS!

  • http://goodgirlgoneredneck.blogspot.com Andrea B.

    You look BEAUTIFUL. You may be scvitzing and not glowing, but you still look beautiful!!! I’m glad the pregnancy is moving along, and I love the name Piper. Honest, I do. ;) But good for you for shouting from the rooftops and telling people to shove it if they don’t. 

    • Anonymous

      Thank you, Andrea! Hope you have power back on now and that things get back to normal soon. You guys have been on my mind this weekend. Take care! xo

  • Terri Sonoda

    Oh lordy.  Thanks for the frank reminder of that last month of pregnancy.  Brings back miserable memories.   Not glowing and not beautiful.  You are correct!   Love this post!  And love the name Piper  (no you don’t care, but just sayin..).

    • Anonymous

      Terri,

      Thanks, sweet friend! Relieved to know I’m not the only miserable one. And definitely no glowing going on over here. Just bloating and bitching! HAHA

  • http://www.amothersthoughts.com A Mother’s Thoughts

    Too funny….to me not you obviously!  I have a new baby myself so yes!!  I was there, although, I did enjoy my pregnancy….this time, last time I did not, i could have potentally commit suicide but I don’t believe in abortion (see my dillima)  Anyway, it will all be over soon enough, and then you will get to realize that you had the baby and to your surprise you still look pregnant!  Oh the joys! 

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com Erin Margolin

      A Mother’s Thoughts,

      Oh yes, that will be a follow-up post after I give birth…about how many people stop me to ask me when I’m due EVEN THOUGH I’VE ALREADY GIVEN BIRTH! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

  • Lady Jennie

    ha ha ha.  You’re still gorgeous though, sorry to say.  I like Piper!

    • Anonymous

      Thank you, Jennie! xoxo

  • http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly

    I feel every single word of what you said – and I remember those feelings!!!

    HOWEVER- I think you look gorgeous :)

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com Erin Margolin

      Shelly,

      Thanks so much for your kind comments. I’m glad you can relate to some of it! Happy you stopped by!

  • Anonymous

    I love the pregnant woman are smug video. A lot of it is so true! But you look beautiful and happy and not even a little smug.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com Erin Margolin

      Sweetbutterbliss,

      Why thank you! I definitely do my best so as not to appear at all smug! And that video cracked me up, that’s why I had to post about it! ;-)

  • http://twitter.com/gifts2love missy bedell

    The best part of pregnancy was eating anything I wanted for 10 months.  The worst part was losing the 60 pounds per pregnancy! 

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com Erin Margolin

      Missy,

      I know—that is the part I am really not looking forward to. Ugh. And THANK YOU for validating the 10 months thing! LOL

  • http://andthenkate.com Kate

    Say what you will, but I am gobsmacked by your gorgeousness. For reals. You look GREAT.

    I love Piper. Love, love, love. Good thing you’re halfway-ish across the country from me so that you won’t even know if I steal it (should that day every come…).

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com Erin Margolin

      Kate,

      You are a doll. Gorgeous may be a *slight* exaggeration, however. ;-)

      And? You are welcome to steal it! Anything for you! xoxo

  • http://www.thewatson6.blogspot.com jessica

    I will not believe that is what you look like, I’m sure you look great pregnant. Totally laughing at the part about her name. Don’t you hate when people give their opinions?

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com Erin Margolin

      Jessica,

      YES! People need to keep ALL opinions to themselves. That also includes the bits about,” OMG, you must be due any day!” or “Is it twins again?” etc. etc….When did people start being so rude???

  • http://twitter.com/musingsdemommy Musings de Mommy

    Love the photo (you can see what you see–i see a glorious, beautiful pregnant woman.)
    LOVE the name. LOVE.
    Loved being here to read your words again. 
    xo

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com Erin Margolin

      Oh, Denise! Thanks, sweetheart. That was really nice to hear. And I’m thrilled you like our name choice, too!

      xoxo

  • Themommyologist

    OMG I loved this!!! I remember feeling like that while pregnant too. But seriously, you look GREAT! And I love the name Piper…totally adorable!!

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com Erin Margolin

      Thank you, Mary—I’m glad you like the name! ;-)
      xoxo

  • http://twitter.com/galitbreen Galit Breen

    Oh dear lord girlfriend! You? Are hilarious!

    And can I just say? Pure gorgeous!

    XO

    • Anonymous

      Galit,

      Hilarious? perhaps. But gorgeous? Only if you are smokin’ crack! xoxo

  • http://itsblogworthy.com Amanda Austin

    My friends at work made a list of names they liked for my baby when I was preg. I said, “no thanks, i am going to name him Luke.” “Oh, really? Don’t you like Cooper? What about Tyler.” “no….I’m giving birth….so I’m going to just go with Luke.” SO RUDE! And I love Piper. And I loved pregnancy but now that I’m no longer pregnant, I look at pregnant women with lots of pity. So, I’m over here pitying you. Hang in there!

    • Anonymous

      Amanda,

      Thanks for the pity party! I think it’s going to last a few more weeks, so I’ll need all the help I can get!

  • Anonymous

    you are AWESOME.  :D

    • Anonymous

      Frelle,

      No, YOU are awesome! xoxoxoox

  • BigMamaCass

    I watched the video and laughed my ass off and then reading I was in stitches.  But then I got to Jabba and I am serious when I say I totally peed my pants! 

    Hilarious post!  Can’t wait to see photos of Piper!!

    PS  I LOVE the name!

  • http://www.bigmamacass.com/ BigMamaCass

    I watched the video and laughed my ass off and then reading I was in
    stitches.  But then I got to Jabba and I am serious when I say I totally
    peed my pants! 

    Hilarious post!  Can’t wait to see photos of Piper!!

    PS  I LOVE the name!

    • Anonymous

      Thanks, Cass! Yeah, that video is da bomb!

  • Anonymous

    OH my gosh this is hilarious and so so true. I love it and you look awesome!