Today is Memoir Monday, hosted by Travis at I Like to Fish. Head on over and check him out to see what all the fuss is about!
When I was in grad school, there was a girl in my program whom I idolized. She epitomized everything I did not: strength, confidence, intelligence, and independence. She had a funky cropped haircut, wore tiny glasses, and came to class wearing her vintage cowboy boots almost every day, no matter the weather. Coincidentally, her name was Erin.
I remember the day she officially became my girl crush
don’t worry Natalie Portman, you will always be # 1. Sitting in our Postmodernism class discussing Thomas Pynchon’s Gravity’s Rainbow, she was completely at ease, while I was sweaty and nervous. I remember curling into my chair trying to disappear so the professor wouldn’t call on me. If you’ve never read this book, don’t bother. It’s unbelievably complex with about a bazillion characters, dialogue that drons on and on, and lots of talk about sex and drugs and weapons of mass destruction. I never finished reading it because I couldn’t comprehend a word of it. Stupid didn’t even come close to describing how I felt in that class on this particular day.
The professor started a discussion and I remember Erin was the first to respond. The words that tumbled out of her mouth took my breath away. “I found this really accessible,” she said, crossing one leg over the other. She continued but I didn’t hear a word of it.
I dropped out of the Postmodernism class later that day after dissolving in a puddle of tears in my advisor’s office.
I’ve been carrying this around for so long–this feeling of not being as good/as smart/as fun/as awesome as the next person. And you know what? I’m done.
I’m not a quitter.I am not going to be intimidated by cool girls in cowboy boots anymore. Or anyone else, for that matter. I am learning what I’m worth.
You’d better watch out. I’m gettin’ a pair of cowboy boots.
**Congrats to Mindy of The Inquisitive Mom who won my Funky Mama cd giveaway! Mindy, it will go out in today’s mail! Thanks for entering, everyone!**