Me Too.

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Kimberly Speranza writes Sperk*, a fearless examination of life with two adolescent daughters.  She is a stay-at-home mom, divorced, in a relationship, and has a gift for procrastination.  She has been blogging since 2011 and is thrilled to be a BlogHer ’12 Voices of the Year Honoree. Find her on Twitter here,

Kimberly Speranza

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”  ~C.S. Lewis

I have always been afraid to speak.  I’m not sure if the fear manifested from the scary environment I grew up in or if it was because my perpetrator threatened to kill my dog if I told.  I’m just not certain.  Some therapists have surmised that my abuse occurred when I was pre-verbal.  I was silenced even before I had a voice, so maybe a voice seemed like a frivolous afterthought.

I have always kept a journal.  My first was the side of my dresser and my writing utensil was my mother’s lipstick.  But it wasn’t my writing that caught the attention of the grown-ups, it was my dancing.  It brought me love–the love I desperately needed to grow.  So I spent a lot of time being seen and not heard.  Having a voice was not of importance and my feelings found life in my journals.

“Exposure to children is exposure to one’s own unresolved past.”   ~Michael Thompson

I am a mom.  When my daughters were little, we spent a lot of time dancing in the living room just for fun.   I also spent a lot of time helping them choose words to describe how they felt, what they saw, or what they needed.  And we wrote.  My girls have always had journals, even before they wrote words.  They filled pages with pictures and scribbles that mimicked my handwriting.

My girls are 12 and 14 years old now.  They know me as a talker, a writer, and a former dancer.  I am still sometimes afraid to speak.  But I am never afraid to write.

Sharing my writing is the scary part.  It opens up the door to vulnerability and I don’t enjoy that feeling.  But after exactly one year of writing at my blog, Sperk*, I know that sharing my story is too important to allow myself to succumb to fear.  Yes, it’s important to my healing, but more so, it’s vital to healing the world of the pandemic of child sexual abuse.

I write for every single “me too!” that ends up in the comments on my blog.

Whether I write about my journey of healing, parenting, depression, what I had for dinner, or what the dog did after dinner, I write for the “me too!”

I know that once the words take up residence online they are no longer mine.  They belong to you.  They adjust and transform, becoming meaningful in a different way than I intended.  And that’s OK.  Do you think we all hear music in the same way?  But sometimes we enjoy the same song.

Let’s keep singing, “me too, me too!”

 

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  • http://kerstinauer.tumblr.com/ Kerstin Auer

    I’m glad you found your voice, Kim and I’m glad you’re sharing it.

    That quote by C.S. Lewis? Love it, it pinpoints exactly why I feel the way I do about some people I met through Twitter and blogging (like you) – so: me too!

    I think I found my writing voice first as well. And once I started putting it out there it got easier for me to speak up and say: no. this is just not right, I will not stand for this and I will not remain silent.

    • http://sperk77.blogspot.com/ Sperk*

      I have had the same experience. I have verbally been able to express so much more since beginning Sperk*. So glad to know you and grateful for your support.

  • http://masalachica.blogspot.com/ Masala Chica

    Kimberley – me too, me too! But the way I still see it is, the words are always still yours. That you have chosen to share them is an honor and a gift that most people cherish as they find their own healing because they are able to say, not so much “me too!” but maybe

    “i’m not alone.”

    You are a beautiful writer, looking forward to reading more at Sperk*. Thanks, Erin!

    Kiran

    • http://sperk77.blogspot.com/ Sperk*

      Yes! This is exactly it! In the “Me too” there is the underlying “I am not alone” which is so powerful and brings us to healing. Thanks for you words.

  • Lu

    Oh, what a nice post. Me, too!

    • http://sperk77.blogspot.com/ Sperk*

      Hi, Lu. Thank you!

  • http://twitter.com/gfunkified Greta Funk

    I love that quote, and I love the way you write. You’re so talented and with such an intense story to tell that brings so many people to say “me too!”.

    • http://sperk77.blogspot.com/ Sperk*

      Thanks so much. I appreciate you saying so. xo

  • http://www.fromtracie.com From Tracie

    Me too!!

    I love the me too, and that is exactly why I write. And why I read your blog.

    • http://sperk77.blogspot.com/ Sperk*

      Hi Tracie! I love that you read Sperk* and more importantly, I love that you write!

  • http://mommyunmuted.com/ Mommy Unmuted

    I agree…me too! Everyone has a different translation of what we write. My daughter is four and just now writing the alphabet, but I look forward to buying her journals too. Writing is cathartic and it sometimes it even helps with problem solving. Great post!

    • http://sperk77.blogspot.com/ Sperk*

      Writing certainly helps with problem solving! I sometimes forget that. Buy your daughter that journal now! ;)

  • http://twitter.com/ashleytaylor76 The Dose of Reality

    Such an excellent post. I could not agree with you more. Validation is key, as both a writer and a reader. :)

    • http://sperk77.blogspot.com/ Sperk*

      Thanks, Ashley. Validation means we are making connections. In those connections, we heal.

  • http://twitter.com/RASJacobson Renee Jacobson

    Kimberly, I have seen your posts in many places. But none quite like this. Yes, me all want the validation. I come from a wounded place, too.

    And yet.

    I try so hard to move beyond.

    My journals. I wonder sometimes if I should throw them away. They seem to keep me tethered to a dark place. Even today, someone praised my writing, telling me I write dark so well.

    Hmmmm. I know I can write dark. But I hope I have range. I think I do. Maybe.

    It is wonderful to meet you at Erin’s place. She knows all the cool kids. :)

    • http://sperk77.blogspot.com/ Sperk*

      I can relate to wanting to be away from the trauma/recovery cycle and wish to move onto a place of joy. It’s something I struggle with regularly. I have to remind myself that the darkness will be done only when I’ve completed my journey. And the journey is something to be honored and seems to have its own time frame.

      Thanks for reaching out here. It’s good to meet you, too! :)

  • joychristin

    Me, too! I was raised in abuse and chaos, and I chose to raise my children differently…with tools and resources to communicate transparently, experience comfort and safety and unconditional love. I am learning to give to myself that which I teach :)

    • http://sperk77.blogspot.com/ Sperk*

      “I’m learning to give myself that which I teach” . . . that is the key, isn’t it? Thanks for your candor. Grateful for you being here.

  • Tara_pohlkottepress

    so glad for your voice. for your heart. xo