Lies & 1 Truth

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The glorious Tulpen Elefanten of Bad Words tagged me in her Memetastic post. Since I haven’t done anything fun here in a while according to The Father Load , I’m going to participate.

Here’s the poop scoop on this game/meme, according to Tulpen:

You must list 5 things about yourself; 4 of them must be bold-faced lies. Just make some shit up, we’ll never know; one of them has to be true, though. Of course, nobody will ever know the difference, so we’re just on the honor system here. I trust you. Except for the 4 you lied about, you lying bastards! But don’t go crazy trying to think of stuff as we’re not really interested in quality here. Then you must pass this on to 5 bloggers.

Now for the 4 lies and a truth:

1. When I was six my baby brother, Kevin, was born and I was super jealous. My parents had just given me this book with its all-too-vivid illustrations of two cartoon characters doing the sex:

image courtesy of

So I asked my brother, Mark, who was four at the time, to help me in my pregnancy endeavors. I ordered him to lie on top of me (I bossed him & he did everything I said) so we could make a baby STAT. He did, we snorted and giggled, and then I told him we were all done. Needless to say, no baby was made that day.

2.) As I was going through security at Nashville airport yesterday, I got stopped because I forgot to put my Poo Potpourri in a ziploc bag. I was mortified, but the TSA guy just chuckled and shook his head,  then handed it back to me.

image courtesy of

3.) I brought The Father Load’s giant suitcase to Blissdom and sweated like a pig hauling it through the Gaylord Opryland. What’s up with calling it Gaylord, anyway? I always overpack. It’s silly because why was I trying to dress to impress 600+ women and four men? I got lost approximately 22 times in 72 hours. I can’t read maps. The highlight of the conference? When KLZ (Taming Insanity) ate my banana. Ooooooh. That was HAWT.
image courtesy of

4.) I’m hopelessly in love with Natalie Portman. I loved her in Black Swan. Because apparently I’m all dark, heavy, and twisty like that. But aren’t many writers born out of dark and twisty lives like Sylvia Plath who stuck her head in the oven?


images courtesy of

5.) These are my feet:

image courtesy of

I’ve chosen to pass this nonsense along to these lucky ladies (who you should be following, DUH):
1.) Terri Sonoda (@Tsonoda)
2.) Snuggle Wasteland (@MsWasteland)
3.) Totally Ovar It (@TotallyOvarIt)
4.) Taming Insanity (@TamingInsanity)
5.) Crayon Wrangler (@CrayonWrangler)


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