Just Write: Sometimes

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Sometimes the only things that keep me going are…

commissioning a Little Free Library of our very own for our yard.

Screen Shot 2014-06-18 at 9.53.20 AM

 

our little girl with her little legs crossed so daintily

Screen Shot 2014-06-18 at 11.07.06 AM

 

and taking myself on a date to see The Fault in Our Stars. The book is always better than the movie, but I still had to see it.

I am tired, friends.
I’m not fighting the same battle as Hazel Grace and Gus Waters, to be sure;
And there’s danger in comparison — I know this is true.

There’s an elephant in the room, a fly in the ointment.
Things fall apart.

I am not fighting cancer.
But I am fighting for my marriage. And some days, it feels like I’m fighting for my life.

I am sitting on a lot of couches (read: therapists’ offices).
I am making apologies.
I am learning about myself.
I am learning that anger and all my feelings…are draining.
I am sapped.

This sums it up quite nicely (thank you, Kelly Corrigan):

Screen Shot 2014-06-18 at 11.30.19 AM

There is no guide book for this, no handy Cosmopolitan checklist with corresponding code to see how your answers define you.

There is no one to show me the way.

But I’m using this time to learn about who I am and why I am… the way I am.

And I’m trying to use my voice. I need to.
And because I can’t just write the pretty things all the time.
I write the real things. No candy coating, no store-bought bow stuck on top.

Struggle is real.
Depression is real.
Marital issues are real.

Very few people talk about any of these frankly. And while it’s not fair for me to dive into great detail about ours, I still had to say it.

Because it’s real.
I can’t pretend everything’s okay when it isn’t.

And if you’re out there and you’re reading and this sounds familiar,
At least you know you’re not alone.

But it’s lonely out here.

I remind myself that we are not alone, even though it feels that way sometimes.

Underneath my chattering insecurities…there’s a survivor.
A warrior.
A truth-teller.

Thank you for listening.

 

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  • http://www.mommy-miracles.com Laura

    This right here is the power of writing. You somehow managed to make me feel hope in the midst of something that I am sure feels hopeless. I love you. I hope things get better, but I am so glad you write.

  • http://sellabitmum.blogspot.com/ sellabitmum

    I love you dear friend. You are strong and can do strong things. I believe in you.

    Also – so glad you got a library. Enjoy the community and joy that it will deliver. xoxo

  • Kelley Cole

    I feel the same way…I really need to get to where you are and we need our own therapy session. <3

  • http://www.fromtracie.com/ From Tracie

    Oh my dear friend, Erin. You are not alone. I’m in this fight with you. It is hard. But we will overcome. And we will be stronger for the struggle and all the truth-telling. Much love to you. I’m only a phone call or email away if you need to talk.

    (And I LOVE your free library – it rocks my face off!)

  • Nancy C

    Thinking of you. Trite words, but true. We lost touch, which happens, but I still love the beautiful fighter I see in your words, your actions. You are a fighter.. and that means everything.

  • http://www.jenniferpwilliams.com/ Jennifer P. Williams

    Your story is your story and you have the right to tell it.

  • http://www.thekircorner.com Kir

    I never want you to pretend. I want you to talk and fell and tell until it’s better. Until it’s better for you.I wish I had that kind of bravery, that kind of strength but I watch you and I know it’s possible.
    I love you my friend and I admire and accept your truth.xo

  • http://genieinablog.com. Leigh Ann

    Thinking of you often, Erin. Your struggles are still real. Don’t compare them to those of others. xoxo

  • BipolarMom (Jenn)

    Sending love, that’s all. It is hard. All of it. Thinking of you. xoxo

  • http://writingwishing.com/ Alison

    It’s your truth, your story. Tell it. Own it.
    I’m sorry you’re going through such a difficult time, my friend. I’m here for you. Love you. xo

  • C. Cole

    You are the most courageous woman I know.

  • http://aladyinfrance.com/ Lady Jennie

    Love you lots, darling Erin. And I always want to hear what you have to share.

  • Kim Steele

    So glad you wrote your story, your truth. I am thinking of you.

  • My Inner Chick

    I have found that by telling our stories, it helps other to tell their stories.
    Words are powerful saviors.
    Love from Minnesota.

  • http://www.misselaineouslife.com Elaine A.

    You ARE a warrior my friend. And the truth must be told. It’s where we find our true selves. Love you and please keep telling your truths. xoxo

  • http://www.about100percent.com/ Andrea

    Erin, I am so glad that through your struggle you still find the importance in taking care of yourself, for learning about yourself and others, and for never giving up. You are strong, smart, and worthy. Love to you. xo

  • http://unintentionallybrilliant.blogspot.com Roxanne Piskel

    You are NOT alone. And I am always here for you, even if all you need is someone to listen. I love you Erin.

  • http://gatheringgraces.com/ Janice

    So sorry to hear things are currently on the downside. But rest assured, there is an upside waiting for you. Hugs.

  • http://www.raising-humans.com/ Tricia at Raising Humans

    You are not at all alone. Thinking of you and hoping you find more things to add to that list keeping you going.