Call it whining. Call it ranting. Call it first world problems. I have perspective but sometimes there are things you just don’t want to do. Maybe you’re tired or you need a break or you’d rather spend your hard-earned money elsewhere. But there’s got to be something you don’t want to do. I’m full of those things tonight and I’m going to let them all out.
Today’s Prompt: What are the things in your life right now that you just don’t want to do?
- I don’t wanna think about having hernia surgery (again) and getting my tubes tied. Especially when just yesterday D said something to the tune of, “Wouldn’t it be cool to have a fourth?” while looking at Piper. He was daydreaming, and we both know I can’t, due to my Dead Vagina Walking. Because even after five months, my vagina is still dead. Really REALLY dead. And if we have another, that means shelving my dreams again. Which sounds selfish, but I just won’t do it. As much as I love all three of my children. I HAVE TO WRITE.
- I don’t wanna think about writing a book with Jared about our gay dads. But it’s ALL I can think about. I eat, sleep and dream The Book. The thoughts litter the floor of my brain like leaves and when I grab a fistful, they crumple into dry, crunchy pieces. I’m scared. The Book is looming and large. It waits for me. I know it’s not going anywhere, only I/we can write it, yet tempus fugit (Latin: time flies). Like sand through the hourglass, so are the Days of Our Lives. Or something.
- I don’t wanna think about going to BlogHer. Yes, I’m going. Yes, I bought an actual ticket and reserved an actual hotel room. And I’m fucking scared out of my mind. But The Empress told me I have to just take the leap (not just about BlogHer, but in general, with lots of things). So I am. In lots of little ways. BlogHer is a fucking HUGE leap. What is it, like 5,000 bloggers? Hold me.
- I don’t wanna hope that I could squeak into the final running for BlogHer’s Voices of the Year. Empress is the one who kindly nominated my post (What I’m Afraid Of). I don’t wanna hope for it because I’ll choke if it doesn’t happen and really? I should just be fucking grateful that someone as incredible as Alexandra nominated me in the first place and that people have voted for me. If you want to vote for my post, please CLICK HERE. (shameless self-promotion)
- I don’t wanna let my sweet Piper to grow up. I’m smitten. I love holding her close when she’s tired. She mmMmMmMmm’s and gurgles into my neck and uses her baby fingernails to scratch the couch pillow behind me. She loves textures. She drools and blows bubbles into my shirt and her silky hair slays me as she tumbles her head back and forth, fighting sleep after a bottle. And oh, her feet. Those baby feet and chubby knees. I fight loving her so fiercely because I didn’t get to bond like this with the twins. It seems selfish and unfair and biased and mean. But I can’t help myself. I love her beyond words. My miracle, my little red bean.