I am Worth Hearing.

Posted on May 27, 2012 by erin

Today’s Writing Prompt at Fadra’s place: What feels overwhelming to you right now and how are you coping?

 

I’m overwhelmed that the twins are out of school and I’ve lost control over them lately. It’s two against one and I’m flailing about in a lifeboat. I repeat myself endlessly. There must be a lot of ear wax or selective hearing going on. I can’t believe they’re done with kindergarten. A long summer stretches out before us.

I’m overwhelmed because of this thing with The Moth. Have you voted for me yet? I want it so badly, yet the thought of it simultaneously terrifies me (which tells me it’s THE thing I must do). This is my calling–the writing, storytelling, sharing my life and what I’ve gone through with others who may be lost–but there’s a lot hanging in the balance. I’m meant to do this. My feet are supposed to be on that stage. My lips are supposed to hover near that microphone, my voice is supposed to ring out into an audience. I yearn to be heard in a way I’ve never been before. While it’s natural to be nervous, there’s the fear it might not come to fruition. It’s overwhelming right now. Plus there’s the waiting part. The building of anxiety. Knowing it’s both out of my hands and IN MY HANDS at the same time.

I’m overwhelmed because I’ve made myself vulnerable; with The Moth, with Precipice, and with my BlogHer VOTY. What is it about these things that gives me ants in my pants?

I’m overwhelmed by this depression that jumped in and threw its gnarled hands round my neck.

I’m overwhelmed by the sense that I’m wasting time. I do something, I put myself out there, and then wait. And wait. And then nothing, or wait some more.

I’m overwhelmed by everything but I’m not a fucking little mouse. Inside I’m a roaring lioness. Who dares to dream big things. Who’s been silent and/or silenced for so long.

Not anymore.

It’s gonna happen, this Moth thing. I have to believe that it will happen. I have to believe in ME.

My overwhelmed ass is gonna be up on a stage somewhere, sometime. I know my story is interesting and worth hearing.

Wait, no. Fuck that.

I AM A WRITER.

I AM INTERESTING.

I AM WORTH HEARING.

Erin Margolin, WRITER

This entry was posted in My Non-Fiction and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.
  • http://www.onanotherday.com/ Kirsten

    Oh yeah, you’re totally worth it.  We all are, right?  Your comment about wanting that thing (The Moth) so badly but having it terrify you at the same time which tells you it is THE thing you must do?  That is the EXACT conversatiion I just had with my high schooler about college (*sigh* kindergarten was just yesterday I swear…).

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Kirsten,

      Thanks for coming by!
      I can’t begin to imagine what the high school conversations will be like when we get to that point. At least my older two are twins, so we’ll get that over with in one fell swoop. The youngest will be on her own. 

      On another note, how’s the high schooler doing/handling everything? I remember that time for me and it was scary.

  • Cindy – The Reedster Speaks

    I can hear you roar. The world needs your voice, and your stories. Keep putting yourself out there and IT WILL HAPPEN. Also? Your eyebrows look amazing.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Cindy,

      You’re kidding, right? My eyebrows are the BANE OF MY EXISTENCE. They are like 2 giant caterpillars lurking on my face. I have always loathed them and wish they were thin and delicate and pretty, but mine aren’t meant to be that way, and the maintenance would kill me. Ugh.

      Also? I think my roar is getting hoarse.

      • Cindy-The Reedster Speaks

        Clearly, you need to rethink your attitude toward your brows. They make a statement and they have a perfect arch. They roar, even when your voice is shot. Xoxo

  • http://twitter.com/mommyhoodnxtrt Jessica F. Hinton

    This is awesome! And yes, you are a writer and very worthy of being heard. Begin from that place. Write from that place. Put yourself out there from that place. And you will never, ever fail. Ever.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Jessica,

      I wish I could have your confidence. I’m just not so sure about the failure part. And I think we learn from our failures. But that doesn’t mean I’m not still terrified of them. Sigh. I need to chuck all this stress out the window.

      Thanks for coming by!

  • http://twitter.com/millejoa jo miller

    You are so worth it.  Believe, darling, believe.  Trust.  Recognize that your life is very demanding at this passage on your journey.  Take solace and pride — You have touched more than you will ever know.  Your powerful, honest writing, infused with the essence of you, the sweet gift of humour you have and your openess.  I am grateful for your writing, for the topics you choose.
    Please keep writing.  This world, this community needs you and your talent.
    love, jo  xo
    PS  – you and your little ones will adapt to the summer break.  I speak as a mother of three.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      jo,

      you are such a sweet supporter. what would I do without you? I, my dear, am grateful for YOU.

      p.s. how old are your kids now?

  • http://www.absolutelynarcissism.co/ Sandra

    You’re totally worth it!

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Thanks you Sandra! Glad you stopped by!

  • http://www.postdivorcechronicles.com LeeBlock

    Love this post and love that last picture of you. There’s your book jacket! fabulous. And, If I were to write this post, it would be a book. I’m too overwhelmed to write it!! xxoo. PS I voted!

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Lee,

      could you tell I took that photo myself? it’s a good thing it’s not more of a close up or you could see how greasy my hair is. snort.

  • http://pamelahutchins.com/ Pamela

    Beautiful. And I agree with Lee. The picture of you is so cool!

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Pamela,

      HA! I took it myself and I realized after I posted some people might think my pen is a cigarette? LOL

  • http://www.mommywords.com/ Brittany at Mommy Words

    Yes you are always worth hearing!  I voted for you and I can totally understand that the waiting is overwhelming!  I saw the prompt and honestly thought, what am I not overwhelmed by these days?  Hoping you get your shot on stage!

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Thank you, Brittany! I meant to reply to your email, too. That’s the reason I changed my blog and switched over to WP from Blogger. I don’t think you were following me back then, but I was “The Mother Load” on Blogger. The blog is still up, but I felt pigeon-holed by the blog name and not having my own domain. A dear friend bought me this domain for my bday and I made the move. Now I feel like I can write whatever I want and not just mom stuff. I need to go back and re-read your email, but it sounds to me like you are yearning for change….?

      Thanks for taking the time to vote. I appreciate it so very much! xoxo

  • http://www.sayitrahshay.com Rachee

    You are worth listening! You are a fabulous writer.
    Your twins are against you; I’m a twin so I know.Seriously though, this post was amazing.
    -r

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Rachee,

      Oh no! Don’t tell me that about my twins! LOL
      Thank you for stopping by and for listening to me. I hope you’re having a wonderful weekend!

  • http://twitter.com/momma23monkeys Robbie K

    You re worth hearing and reading :)
    good for you for putting yourself out there and jumping in head first. Great things are jsut around the corner for you..I can feel it.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Robbie,

      That gave me chills. I hope you’re right1 Thanks for visiting me and hope you’re having a great day!

  • http://twitter.com/Divatude Michelle

    “Inside I’m a roaring lioness. Who dares to dream big things. Who’s been silent and/or silenced for so long.” – Absolutely love this and needed these words! Thank you! Stopping through from SOCS. Have a fantastic week!

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Michelle,

      Thanks so much! I need to maintain that lioness mentality. It’s not always around when I need it. Maybe I need a costume? ;-)
      So glad you stopped by! I’m still making the rounds.

  • http://guerrillamom.blogspot.in/ Guerrilla Mom

    Love this post.  I am doing the move from blogger to wordpress now, and I am pretty freaked out by it.  Did you do it yourself, or did you pay someone to do it for you?  
    Your site is great. :)

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Thank you so much! Don’t be freaked out—if I can learn WP, so can you! It’s so much better than Blogger. I had help, though. I paid someone. I considered it an investment in myself and my writing… let me know if I can help? I’m no expert by any means, but…

      p.s. I’m so happy you came back over to visit me! ;-)

  • http://makemommygosomethingsomething.com/ Kimberly

    A lioness…yes you are…you’re going to fight this bass turd. I know you will. You always have.
    I’m confident in you friend.
    And i am so proud of you. xo

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Kimberly,

      Bass turn made me laugh so HARD. And the fact that I make YOU proud? omg. I think I might cry now.

      HUGS, mama!

  • Wally123

    What about camp or a summer program for the twins. Why is parenting them so difficult because all you do is complain about them. Poor girls because they must sense your frustration.

  • Gina

    Summer with twins! Yikes! Waiting is the hardest part. Keep roaring!!!

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Gina,

      I’m roaring away—LOL, sometimes it’s the only way to get them to listen. snort!

  • http://singedwingangelspad.com/ Angel Shrout

    Mine have been out for 2 weeks. Much earlier then ever before, and it started the day after they got out. You are absolutely a writer with a voice for more people than you probably realize. You are worth hearing and reading. You got this momma even if it doesn’t feel like it somedays. 

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      angel,

      whoa, that’s earlier than mine! what plans do they have this summer? hopefully out of your hair some? ;-)

  • http://twitter.com/jlweinberg jlweinberg

    You are an incredibly gifted writer and storyteller. The Moth will be lucky to have you. I feel lucky every time I get to read anything you write. And hearing you tell your story in person? Even better. You are going to be fantastic. 

    Try to breath through the fear of summer down time. Loosen the reigns so they don’t have to much to rebel against. The first week or two is hard, but you’ll hit a groove. Can you schedule a regular babysitting date so you know you’ll have a planned break every week? 

    You are a writer.
    You are interesting.
    I want to hear your story.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Jennifer,

      YOU are a gifted writer & storyteller. And your cancer adventures series? oh my goodness. I think YOU need to call the Moth and pitch. I mean it.

      I do have a sitter. She starts summer schedule with us next Weds. Thank goodness. I already feel like I’m losing my mind and summer just started.

  • http://janasthinkingplace.com/ Jana A (@jana0926)

    I’m overwhelmed with emotion reading that. Wow. Erin, you’re amazing. 

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Jana,

      Thanks, sweet thing. Don’t be too emotional, because today reading back on this post, it feels like someone else wrote it. I’m blaming PMS. ;-)

      xoxoxox

  • http://profiles.google.com/twonormalmoms Ally Wilson

    You might feel overwhelmed, but there is a bright confidence shining through in this post! 

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Ally,

      What is it they say—-fake it til you  make it?
      LOL!
      I’m trying. For real. But some days it’s hard, you know?

  • http://www.babesrockinmami.com/ stephanie

    Hooray!  You are Erin, writer!  I still love watching you evolve as a writer, mother, woman, human being, whatever. 

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Stephanie,

      I love watching you on your newest weight loss adventures! You are doing SO GREAT, girlie! So proud of and inspired by you. You are a wonderful mommy, blogger, and friend. Thank you for always sticking by me! xoxoxoox

  • Bocafrau

    Good for you. A positive attitude is so important. I’m sure you’ll do fine. Good luck with everything. Fingers crossed. 

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Bocafrau,

      Thanks so much! I appreciate your support.

  • a.eye

    Glad you are taking ownership of your goals!!

    I wish you luck this summer with twins of that age!!

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      a.eye,

      Thanks so much and the luck is appreciated! Thank goodness they will be doing some summer camp. ;-)

  • http://www.misselaineouslife.com Elaine A.

    Yes, Yes, YES!!!  Your time in here, my dear.  I can feel it!! 

    And I hear you on the overwhelm-ed-ness of Summer.  It hit me like a brick today.  But I know we can make it to August…. xoxo

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Elaine,

      I’m glad it hit you too b/c some troll came over here and left me a nasty comment about “poor you, i feel sorry for your kids b/c you are so overwhelmed by them. what a terrible life you must lead,” etc. etc.

      I almost cried, then Wonder Woman came out and she deleted that shit.

  • http://aladyinfrance.com/ Lady Jennie

    I tried to vote for you for the Moth but couldn’t figure out how.  But girl, looks like you bagged it, right?  I’m also on pins and needles about VOTY, not for the Miscarriage one, which I submitted as an afterthought, but for the Princess one.  It’s hard to put yourself out there.  I love to see the support the world is giving you back.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      jennie,

      you just click on the stars to vote—easy peasy! if you have time will you try again? go to:
      http://themoth.org/tell-a-story/listen-and-vote/1

      as for VOTY, at least you had more than one post up…better chances for you!!! i cannot wait to meet you—ps who are you rooming with?

  • http://www.thekircorner.com Kir

    Erin, your voice is worth hearing anywhere…on a stage, a city street, my kitchen, even my head when I read you. Only good things from now on my friend, I know only good things are coming.
    xo

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Kir,

      When you say it? I almost believe it.
      p.s. I am so nervous (but honored) to be sharing at your place tomorrow! I will set up something later to send people your way! ;-)

  • http://myinnerchick.com/ My Inner Chick

    I voted for you, Erin <3   Fabulous.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Inner Chick,

      Thank you, it means a great deal to me! Have a wonderful day!

  • http://www.kendratoo.com/ Kendra

    Your post screams of strength and perseverance.  You have my vote.  As someone who constantly doubts my decisions, no matter how amazing they may turn out, I often have conversations with myself that are similar to what you’ve written.  I’ve just discovered your blog today as a result of Yeah Write 59 and I cannot wait to read through your older posts over the next few days.  You rock.  

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Kendra,

      THank you so very much! I am a Yeah Write newbie and this was my first linkup. I am so clueless! But your pico recipe looks so good, I can’t wait to try it. I’m so grateful you stopped by and I appreciate it more than you know! ;-)

  • http://www.cynicism101.com/ Dr. Cynicism

    Haha… I love the last 4 lines of this. You’ve got a great voice; certainly worth hearing and reading :-)

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Dr. Cynicism,

      Thank you so very much for reading & commenting! ;-)

      Happy almost Friday!

  • http://www.literalmom.com/ Missy | Literal Mom

    Damn STRAIGHT you’re a writer, woman!  RAWR!  (I hope you get the Moth thing).  

  • http://iampisspot.com/ iampisspot

    “I’m overwhelmed by everything but I’m not a fucking little mouse. Inside I’m a roaring lioness. Who dares to dream big things. Who’s been silent and/or silenced for so long”.
    Gosh, this is exactly how I feel. I’ve been struggling to find the words to convey this, however.

    Thank you. Really, THANK YOU!

  • http://twitter.com/juliecgardner Julie Gardner

    Yes! I voted for your pitch for The Moth and for your piece that’s nominated for VOTY, plus I have my fingers crossed for your work being selected by Precipice.

    You are a writer. A human being with an important story. And the words to share it.

    Keep. Going.

    Yes.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      thanks, Julie.

      VOTY people are being notified today as I’m sure you know, and I am going to bury my sorrows in a bottle of wine. as for the Moth, I feel like I might have a chance. Precipice, who knows?!?

      but I am grateful you came to see me and give me a pat on the back. thank you!
      xoxo

  • FadraN

    First of all, I voted. Second of all, I long to be fierce. But I hold back. ALWAYS. Maybe I’m not really fierce. And I get nervous and overwhelmed and butterflies in the tummy when I do things that challenge and stress me. So why do I do them? Who knew at my age, I’d still be trying to figure out who I am.

  • http://www.thebigpieceofcae.com/ Kate Coveny Hood

    I just voted for you on The Moth website! And I like all of the risk taking. I’m in that place too. Started with setting up a blog a few years back. Sometimes I feel like I wasted a ridiculous amount of time being meek and quiet…and sometimes I just assume that it wasn’t my time back then and focus on what is next for me. Trying to focus on the latter right now!