I Ain’t No Wonder Woman

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Joining Jana today for my Stream of Consciousness (#SOC) post. I’m not following her prompt, however. Sorry, Jana! Maybe next week, ok?

I profess a profound love for all things Wonder Woman, as many of you know, and I’m passing this along to my daughters. Because there’s part of me that wants them to believe they can be superheroes, they can do whatever they want, and that they have magical powers. I want them to believe they’re extraordinary.

Wonder Woman

credit

But I realized in all my blind idolatry, that I am not, nor will I ever be, anything closely resembling Wonder Woman.

I will never be everything I want to be or that anyone else wants me to be. I will never be enough. I will fall short. I will have piles of papers. I will stay on the computer too much and too long. I will start a nonprofit organization that will take all of my time (and then some). This nonprofit means a lot to me, and yes, there’s the possibility it’ll bite the dust. But that’s a risk I’m willing to take. Wonder Woman could just use her magic lasso to catch her dream, but alas, I don’t have one. Perhaps I could fashion one out of the same dirty yoga pants and t-shirt with pit stains I’ve been wearing for the last three days.

Instead, I have anxiety, depression, and demons. Sometimes they get the better of me and I have a hard time adjusting to social situations or relaxing. That’s me. Yes, I take medication. No, it’s not the magical answer, it also takes therapy and hard work. I ain’t no Wonder Woman. 

I don’t get all the laundry done. Or when I do, the clean clothes lie in piles because no one else folds and puts them away. I don’t always cook dinner. Sometimes there’s breakfast for dinner. Sometimes there’s frozen dinner. Sometimes I cut myself while I’m chopping vegetables. Sometimes things get burned. I don’t have a paying job outside the home. I do plenty of work, but it’s “women’s work,” and it’s nonprofit work, and it’s mom work. So I have a lot of trouble filling in that blank on papers that ask me for my occupation because it’s so much more than fucking “homemaker,” which makes my blood boil. Wonder Woman wouldn’t stand for that. Or maybe for occupation I should start filling in “Wonder Woman Wannabe,” only I don’t think the IRS would like that too much.

Sometimes I drink wine. Sometimes I stay up late trying to get things done. Sometimes I am tired. I don’t think Wonder Woman ever gets tired. I doubt she has a problem with self harm or self-deprecating humor. Sometimes I hire babysitters to get my work-that-I-don’t-get-paid-for done. Sometimes I miss biddy basketball games. I ain’t no fucking Wonder Woman.

I’m terrible at intimacy. I am neglectful. I run on fumes. And I’m full of excuses. Wonder Woman wouldn’t make excuses. She’d Just Do It. Like Nike.

I’m fucking sick of cleaning up after everyone else. I’m exhausted by trying to keep everyone else on task and being the bad mommy and wife. Abby tattling on everyone every two minutes and Izzy refusing to clean up after herself or do her eye therapy…in addition to battles over regular everyday homework.

I give up. Take me or leave me. I am who I am. I don’t think I can change. So dust your hands off and be done with me. Wipe my dirt off on your pants. And I’m turning in my cape.

Because I ain’t no fucking Wonder Woman.

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  • http://twitter.com/NancySeeger NancySeeger

    I think we are still in the era where women are expected to “do it all” to “have it all.” Of course that’s not reality and it’s a struggle. As my mother put it, sometimes you need to cave and get cleaning services, make the kids (when they are older) do their own laundry and use paper plates for hectic days. I’m proud to know you and think it’s wonderful you are pursuing your dream, I certainly benefited from your new non-profit. Don’t be to hard on yourself, we all struggle. :)

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Nancy,

      What in the world would I do without you? And YOU have validated our purpose, our project. Your sharing your experiences with us….helps us, too. We’re peas in a pod. Except you’re a computer genius. xo

  • http://twitter.com/thesistershood Nicole Morgan

    But you know what – we are going to put on some rocking boots and strut our stuff at Blissdom in two weeks … we will squee and hug, and giggle and dance … and WonderWoman will think we are the cool girls – because we will be so fucking awesome xxx

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Nicole,

      And now? not two weeks. TWO DAYS.
      thank goodness, b/c I can’t wait to get a great big-ass hug from you. LOVE!

  • http://twitter.com/TheHarriedMom Debra Rutt

    Oh yes you are — every woman is. You don’t have to have it all – you just do it…..that you can get up each morning and go – that’s an amazing woman, truly a Wonder Woman!

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Debra,

      But somedays? i don’t want to get out of bed. I want to just stay there and never leave it. i could stay there and stay there and never leave… #confession #depression

  • http://amandamagee.com amandamagee

    I read something the other day that said parenting is the only arena in which people are expected to be good at everything. Personally, I think the greatest gift a parent could give is to show their kids that they aren’t a superhero. We are flawed and have moments of greatness and weakness. You are doing a beautiful job…mostly because I don’t feel so fucking bad about my trucker mouth now ;)

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Amanda,

      Trucker mouth? What fucking trucker mouth? I’ve never heard you say shit. In fact, I think you should fucking say whatever the hell you want because YOU ROCK MY FACE OFF! XOXOXOOXOXOX

  • http://twitter.com/mooivrouw Dawn Michele

    You’re better than Wonder Woman, because you do all of this and you do it without super powers. Plus, the ability to step back and admit that you can’t be everything all the time is something special in itself. Don’t ever stop being you.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Thank you, Dawn. You’re a sweetheart. I often wish I could be anyone but me. ;-(

  • Stacey

    Amen!! It’s so nice to see others admit that they aren’t Wonder Woman either. It’s so hard to be the boss of everything and sometimes it’s just lame. I have piles of clean clothes and mismatched socks everywhere. I worked hard all weekend and the kitchen floor still looks like crap. Actually, the whole house does. Let’s commiserate together!!

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Stacey,

      YES! Let’s commiserate together. My house looks like crap, too. And I’m about to leave town for Blissdom, which is code for—it ain’t gonna look any better by the time I get back! LOL

  • http://twitter.com/backtoallen Lisa Allen

    I imagine Wonder Woman, in her rib busting bustier and fuck-me boots, printing this out and tacking it to HER mirror as a reminder that real women are raw and brave and awesome. Rock on with your pit stains, friend. Rock on.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Lisa,

      Pit stains might not be so good for LTYM, though. Might have to wear something new/nice for that. LOL! xoxo

  • Robin @ Farewell Stranger

    No, you’re not Wonder Woman. None of us is. But it’s okay to want (and need) to do things for yourself. It’s okay to have outside interests, and it’s actually a really good thing for your kids to see what you’re doing and how someone like you with a passion for something can make a difference. And I wish I could say everyone just needs to be okay with that, but I know it’s not that simple. It’s always a balance. Hang in there.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Robin,

      Thank you, sweets. I needed to hear that. It’s just been tough juggling everything and feeling like a failure at all of it…too much.

  • TLanceB

    Your wit is your bulletproof bracelets. Your courage is your invisible plane. Your work ethic/compassion/sweetness/kindness Eriness is your lasso of truth. That’s a smokin’ picture of Wonder Woman but you’re better than that. Keep you head up, Amazon Warrior. What you’re doing for sons and daughters of gay parents is heroic. It’s your superpower.
    I’m proud to know you.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Thank you, Lance. You’re too kind. I appreciate your comments. I’m lucky to know you, too! ;-)

  • http://thediamdondgal.com/ TheDiamondGal

    Do you know what I say to this? BRAVO. None of us are. None of us cook dinner every night, fold and put away the laundry and we all have fits over the homework not getting done. Wonder Woman was who she was because she was a fucking cartoon character. Real honest to god working mothers…yes, that’s working, because whether you WORK inside, outside or are just MOM, it’s ALL work…CAN’T get it all done.

    We do the best we can do. Take the pills…who here doesn’t?….Drink the wine…who here doesn’t? Tell your husband no sex…who here doesn’t?…Don’t make dinner…who here doesn’t? And, tell the kids to do their damn homework and shut up…who here doesn’t??

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Diamond Gal,

      ahhhh. Your mentality is so refreshing. I love your last paragraph. I with PEOPLE would read it…. love you. xoxo

  • http://twitter.com/goodgirlgonered Andrea B

    I loved this, my friend. Neither am I, neither are any of us. We all feel it and you know what? It’s totally OK. We love you for you being you and hope you feel the same right back. Sending love and hugs and hanging in there kind of a mindset. xo

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Thank you, Andrea. I need that “hanging in there” mindset for sure. Hopeful Blissdom will help with this, but in the meantime, it was freeing to let it all out, in a way. It always seems like everyone else is doing it better/faster/with more ease.

  • http://twitter.com/ashleyaustrew Ashley Austrew

    I love this. I’m trying to decide if Wonder Woman would admit that she sometimes has a hard time actually being Wonder Woman, and if you’re actually a little bit of a Wonder Woman just for admitting how totally impossible it is. I think you are.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Ashley,

      I love you for this comment and the duality you see/wonder about. And more tears coming. Thank you.

  • http://twitter.com/ewokmama Crystal T.

    Amen!

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Crystal,

      Thanks!

  • http://twitter.com/momgosomething Kimberly M

    And you are beautiful just like that

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Kimberly,

      As are you, sweet friend. love you.

  • http://twitter.com/MizFitOnline carla birnberg

    OH MY GOSH. we are on the same and different wavelengths (my post today). I ADORE YOU.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Carla,

      I need to go over and catch up on my reading, apparently. p.s. will you be at Blissdom?? and I adore you, too. Miss you tons. xoxo

  • http://www.astarinmyownuniverse.com/ Star Traci

    Erin, I am no Wonder Woman, either. I feel like I say “i try so hard” a thousand times a day. I work so hard across so many things and feel at the end of the day that there is little to show for it. I so hear you. Thank you for saying it, though. We need to hear each other because you are not alone in this though you seem pretty wonderful to me!

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Traci,

      Awwww….I try so hard a million times, too. We all do. I hear you too, mama.

  • heidi

    What Lance said. You are a brave woman, a warrior, a Wonder. Truly.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Thank you, sweet Heidi. You are a love.

  • Ally

    I suspect that you just spoke for many, many women out there. xoxo

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Ally,

      I hope so. It’s always comforting when I know I’m not alone. Thank you for reading and for the comment love, as usual. xoxo

  • http://twitter.com/Jen_P_Williams Jennifer P. Williams

    Wonder Woman has always been my favorite super hero too. But now that I’m all grown up (according to my age), I realize that the true wonder women are so much different than the lasso carrying, bracelet wearing Amazon I loved as a girl. They are the women like you that work to make a difference and to stand up for what they believe in. To me that makes you a wonder woman. Even if you don’t feel like one.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Thank you, roomie. But sometimes I wonder if I really am making a difference. Because sometimes it seems like no one is hearing or listening…I don’t know. Thank you for reading and sharing your kind words that are wrapped around me like a blanket now. HUGS

  • Kim@Co-Pilot Mom

    I am not Wonder Woman, either. I can’t say that I have felt like her since I wore my Wonder Woman bathing suit when I was 6. I am *me* – that is all I can be. Loved this.

  • Christine Organ

    Oh, Erin. No one can be Wonder Woman. But what you are is a Gift – a gift to your family, friends, readers, nonprofit beneficiaries, the world. You are a wondrous gift. And, in that, my friend, you are indeed a wonder woman.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Christine,

      What you just wrote made me cry. A gift. I am a gift. Maybe that should be my new mantra. Even if I don’t believe it myself…. thank you for your kind words. xoxo

  • http://twitter.com/PamelotH PamelaFaganHutchins

    Who needs Wonder Woman, or pointy boobs? I think you’re a wonderful woman just like you are. ;-)

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Pamela,

      Oh, I don’t care so much about the point boobs, LOL! But YOu are wonderful too, my dear friend. I miss you. SO proud of you and all the good work you’re doing with your books!

  • http://writingwishing.com/ Alison

    I don’t care if you’re not Wonder Woman. You’re you. And you’re loved. xoxo

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Alison,

      YOU are Wonder Woman. How do you seem to do it all? And I hope you know you are loved as well, and more!

  • Deb Clem-Buckert

    Guess what? You really are. Go read what you wrote. Out loud. Many women don’t have the courage to do half the things you do. Including laundry.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Deb,

      As I type, the laundry pile is growing by the minute, the pile threatening and looming. Ugh. And there are many women who DO have courage, and far more of it than I. But I am grateful for you and your kind words and comments. Thank you!

  • http://www.misselaineouslife.com Elaine A.

    Being Wonder Woman is exhausting. I think we are ALL wonder women, in some way or another. ESPECIALLY you, my friend. But of course we choose not to see it that way. This is powerful writing right here that makes me KNOW what you are feeling and the way you shared it is amazing but breaks my heart a little at the same time. I hope you know that you do not have to be all those things or do all those things for people to love you. xoxoxo

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Elaine,

      I wish I could stop feeling like I have to be all these things. I wish I could erase the obligation, the guilt from my brain.
      p.s. I need an Elaine hug. Countdown 2 days!!! xoxox

  • leighvslaundry

    I always put “CEO of Household” in that blank space!
    Love this!

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Leigh,

      Why didn’t I think of that?!?! Sheesh. I’m stealing it from you!

  • http://www.facebook.com/smartinez03 Stephanie Marie Martinez

    I hate homemake, housewife, etc. We do/are so much MORE!

  • Kristin S. (@AustinKVS)

    Erin, I totally relate to this. Funnily enough, I posted today that I AM Wonder Woman, with a post in a different vein. I think on different days, we’re both right. I love your frank honesty.

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