Hooter Hiders & a Winner!

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I’m sorry I’ve kept you waiting, I suck. Thank you all SO MUCH for your interest in and support of my Earth Day Giveaway! The winner is Lisa, @Varunner7, who blogs over at Two Bears Farm. Lisa, as soon as I get your address, I’ll put your package in the mail!

I recently found myself at USA Baby (a smaller and less intimidating version of Babies R’ Us) shopping for booster seats for my girls. And since there’s a little red bean blooming in my belly, I took some time to peruse the baby products as well. So much has changed since I had the twins in 2005! Have you seen the MamaRoo Infant Rocking Seat? No more of the wacky bouncing, gyrating movements and dreaded dead batteries at 3 a.m. This puppy plugs in, is accompanied by several soothing sound options, and moves the baby slowly, gently & QUIETLY in an entire circle. In other words? Awesome.

On another aisle I spied something that thrust me into all manner of inappropriate snorts and giggles: The Hooter Hider.

Image courtesy of bebeaulait.com

 

It must be said that my children know next to nothing about breastfeeding. While they’ve seen women nursing in public, said women have always covered themselves, so I’ve managed to avoid embarrassing questions by saying, “The baby is just under there in the dark taking a nap.” God, my kids are gullible. Just like their mother, apparently. Sure, they know babies drink milk, but they assume it’s cow’s milk, having no real knowledge of mammary glands. I confess I’ve got issues when it comes to discussing body parts, functions, and the like. I become awkward and easily embarrassed, which I need to get over before, well, the girls require training bras. Sooner would be ideal, I suppose.

Anybra, the girls heard me in hysterics and came running.

“Mommy, what is that?” Izzy asked.

“Mommy, what’s so funny?” Abby demanded.

“It’s a…” I broke off, sputtering and turning red. It was time to grow up. “It’s a Hooter Hider,” I explained, with tears streaming down my cheeks.

“But Mommy, what’s a hooter?” Izzy looked at me with wide eyes.

Oy. Deep breaths. I can do this.

“Girls,” I began in a low voice, “Hooters are boobies. Like Mommy has. Like you’ll have someday when you’re teenagers.”

“But why do you need a Hooter Hider?”

“For when the baby eats. After the baby is born, mommy’s boobies will start making milk to feed it. And I’ll need one of these to cover myself up while we’re out in public.” Obviously I didn’t go into all the logistics of whether or not breastfeeding will even work out for me this time around, but I knew I still owed them the truth.

Fortunately they seemed to accept this explanation without too many other questions, although I’m certain many more are to come once the red bean arrives. Frankly I’m surprised they haven’t brought up the Hooter Hider since that day, although I haven’t consulted their preschool teacher, who seems to hear about all sorts of private family matters.

Clearly, I haven’t fessed up about the birds & the bees yet. That will have to wait for another day. One which, with any luck, will be in the very distant future.

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  • Anonymous

    bwhahahah a hooter hider.. well had I been able to breast feed I don’t think the one I saw would have covered me and the baby.. I needed a mammary moomoo that is what I would have needed

  • Taming Insanity

    But mommy, how DID the baby get in your tummy?

    When will I get Hooters?

    Will daddy ever get hooters?

    Why is there a restaurant called hooters? Do they serve just milk?

  • http://twitter.com/TruthfulMommy Truthful Mommy

    LOL!I love it! Hooter hider indeed. My6 year old would probably just let it go my 3 year old however, would hound me until I broke and explained it all in great detail because she has to know how and why about everything! At least now I know to keep her away from the baby stores:) COngrats again on the little red bean!

  • http://www.theumbels.com Evonne

    I’ve seen women using Hooter Hiders. I never knew what were called til now – too funny!

    My 5 year old son has walked in on me changing my clothes before. Last night he was changing his clothes. He pointed to his chest and said “What are these?” followed by “Will mine look like yours when I get bigger?”. Not that my girls are anything to write home about, but I was speechless!

  • Mindy

    I have a Hooter Hider – love the product and the name! I rarely cover at home (unless we have male company), but it is a lifesaver in public, allowing you to see baby to make adjustments (Oh, how I wish I was one of those moms who just lifted up her shirt, got baby magically latched on, and somehow remained decent without even looking!) My daughter is pretty fascinated by breastfeeding and I have to tell her sometimes that other mommies are covered for a reason and don’t want her peeking. lol

  • Mindy

    I have a Hooter Hider – love the product and the name! I rarely cover at home (unless we have male company), but it is a lifesaver in public, allowing you to see baby to make adjustments (Oh, how I wish I was one of those moms who just lifted up her shirt, got baby magically latched on, and somehow remained decent without even looking!) My daughter is pretty fascinated by breastfeeding and I have to tell her sometimes that other mommies are covered for a reason and don’t want her peeking. lol

  • http://twitter.com/TheSweetest3 Carrie Meadows

    BF never worked for me, either, but if it had, I think a cotton blanket or burp cloth would have sufficiently hidden my hooters. The other day my son said something to the effect of, “Mommy, when I am a grow up YOU can be inside MY tummy…” Seems as though my attempt at explanation failed somewhere along the way.

  • http://profiles.google.com/anattitudeadjustment Jana An Attitude Adjustment

    I loved my Hooter Hider, but my son didn’t. I picked out this really nice pattern and my kid just flailed his legs constantly under it. My daughter was fine being covered, but she was allergic to my milk or something and screamed after every feeding. So I passed on my HH. Because I really hope I will not be pregnant again. Two is my limit! (Though I’m sure you’ll be great with three!)

  • http://www.snugglewasteland.com Snuggle Wasteland

    My friend had a hooter hider. I just liked saying that phrase. Very catchy. Maybe I’ll call my next blog The Hooter Hider. Probably taken though. Sads.

  • Anonymous

    My two older children, ages 26 and 23 now, were used to the concept of breastfeeding because I had a brother for them when they were 9 and 6. However, when I had a surprise baby at the age of 40 my then youngest was 8 and had never been exposed to nursing. I remember one day I was nursing the baby in the Lazy-Boy rocker and he looks at me and goes, “WHAT are you doing?” It was the first time I realized that he had never been exposed to the concept of breastfeeding, so I explained it to him. After I explained it he was fine but I will never forget the look on his face and the amazement/horror in his voice when he first asked. It still makes me laugh!

  • http://twitter.com/tsonoda Terri Sonoda

    I.Am.Speechless. Ok, maybe not. Hooter Hiders, in my opinion, are not necessary, because I enjoy and understand the beauty of a woman feeding her child. Unfortunately, lots of people would rather not gaze upon this process in public, so if a mommy ain’t smart enough to figure out she can throw a receiving blanket or towel over the process, then possibly (and I say that ever so hesitantly) she may need to purchase a Hooter Hider. Oh.My.Goodness

  • Sarah at The Stroller Ballet

    Sounds like you’re off to a good start, at least! It’s definitely a great product and concept, but wow! What a name, ha!

  • http://twobearsfarm.blogspot.com Varunner7

    Thanks! So excited about the giveaway.

    I hope breastfeeding works out for you. I struggled so much with 2 of mine – back and forth to the lactation consultants, desperate phone calls to my doula, but with time we worked it out, and I was thankful it did. Fingers crossed you get a good nurser!

  • MommaKiss

    Hooters and boobies. Like mommy has. HAHA! My boys call them bumps. And when we’re in target? passing the bras? “Momma, those are for your BUMPS!”

  • http://twitter.com/amandaaustin Amanda

    This is really great. I have a Hooter Hider, except I think it’s the knock-off version called the Udder Cover (which might be even harder to explain!) I can’t wait till I have a second baby someday and my son watches me breastfeed and I’m sure will ask what’s going on and I’ll have to explain that he used to eat like that, too. haha

  • Leighvslaundry

    You just opened up a whole can of worms. First it’s a Hooter Hider next thing you know, it’s all about breast pumps and nursing bras. Good luck with all that. :)

  • http://twitter.com/juliecgardner Julie Gardner

    Let me know when you’re ready for the birds & bees conversation. I’m your girl – ha!
    (Hooter Hider cracks me up. When I breastfed my kids it was called a blanket. ;-)

  • http://any-given-moment.blogspot.com/ T.J.

    You know, my friend out in Michigan was telling me about this coverup she had when nursing her son. She never even mentioned the name of the thing and now I’m kicking myself for not asking because I so would have loved to hear her say that phrase out loud!!! That’s quite the creative brand marketing, eh?!

  • http://twitter.com/littlehenhouse Morgan B.

    My three year old wears my retired Hooter Hider and nurses her baby dolls. Some people get a little weirded out by it, but I think it’s cute. :)

  • http://momoftheperpetuallygrounded.blogspot.com/ Motpg

    That name is brilliant. Why did they come out with all the cool stuff after I was done!

  • http://profiles.google.com/twonormalmoms Ally Wilson

    Hooter Hider? That name cracks me up. It is indeed catchy. Mama, you have got some surprise questions coming your way in the next few months from two very curious little girls! hehe

  • http://www.simplysandwich.net Paula @ Simply Sandwich

    I am well past this stage but I sure do wish these were around when my babies were little! Wishing you tons of luck when you have “the talk”! :)

  • http://www.mamamistake.com Mamamistake

    This is a great reminder of what I have to look forward to…my oldest is almost three and already I’m using the phrase “ask your father.” Funny post!

  • http://npoj.blogspot.com Nancy C

    In the TMI category…Son and I were showering this morning because we were dirty and in a hurry. He pointed and said, “Those are to feed babies.”

    I guess he already knows his birds and bees. And I guess our shared shower days may be ending. Like, today.