Enough.

Posted on September 30, 2012 by erin

Linking up with Jana’s SOC Sunday. No prompt today. Just writing.

*****

When is enough ENOUGH?

Enough is enough when all I want to do is stay in my bed. Enough is enough when I can’t escape even when I’m under the covers. A hot bath and two Advil isn’t enough, nor a glass of wine or even cuddling with a cute baby in my lap, kissing her delicious baby toes.

the cute baby I get to cuddle with.

 

Sometimes you have to let go of your pride and take the fall. Sometimes you just have to do the fucking hardest thing you’ve ever had to do. Sometimes you have to just be naked and ugly and vulnerable and say out loud:

“I cannot do this anymore.” And slowly, you step away.

And then in your head the Eleanor Roosevelt quote rings, something about “you must do the thing you think cannot do,” yadda yadda yadda. The thing is? You’ve tried and tried and poured your heart and soul into something that’s destined to fail.

So you do the hard thing, the brave thing, you take off your mask and look straight ahead and walk into the new things. The unknown things.

You make a conscious choice to save yourself, steal the last life preserver, and jump ship before everyone else drowns and takes you with them.

Sometimes you have to be selfish and think only about yourself. Sometimes you have to choose you over others. And it hurts. It’s hard. It sucks the life out of you.

And that’s enough.

 

This entry was posted in Musings and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.
  • http://twitter.com/frelle Jenna Farelyn

    I love you. Thank you for writing the raw. *HUG*

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Jenna,

      I live in the raw. I should write it more often. But there’s the censorship thing I have to deal with….it’s difficult.

  • Kenya Johnson

    Awww. I’ll feel your pain girl. I hope venting and dumping eased it somehow.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Kenya,

      Thank you for reading and commenting and therefore supporting me! Venting it did help a bit. Hope you had a great weekend!

  • http://twitter.com/shoshuga Shosh Martyniak

    Others drowning you and taking you down with them is much more hurtful than taking care of yourself. Taking care of yourself really is taking caring of others. Don’t forget that.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Shosh,

      I know you will help remind me, especially next week. Thank you. xoxo

  • http://twitter.com/ashleytaylor76 The Dose of Reality

    Sometimes you have to save yourself. Sometimes you have to steal the last life preserver. Oh Erin. :( You gut me with your words. From across the miles I am sending you strength. And a hug.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Ashley/DOR,

      I still feel guilty about taking the last life preserver…but I had to do it. It’s not over yet—I’m still swimming a long way to shore, but I can almost see the sand in the distance.

      xoxo

  • http://writingwishing.com/ Alison

    I am hurting for you. Because I feel this, a smidgen of this, and that hurts enough. So I can’t imagine. xo

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Alison,

      Thank you, my dear. Your support means a lot to me.

  • http://www.misselaineouslife.com Elaine A.

    Let me know if you need me… xoxoxo

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Elaine,

      Thank you. I appreciate that. I’ll be able to talk about all of this more soon enough….but in the meantime it always helps to know my friends are there to catch me. xoxo

  • alexandra

    It hurts so dang hard. And yet? What kind of person lets themselves drown???

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Alexandra,

      Agreed. I can’t let myself drown. It took courage to jump. And now I have a long swim to shore, but at least I’ve got this life preserver…. love you.

  • http://fourplusanangel.com/ jessica

    I wish there was something I could do to hold you up. I know that drowning feeling so well. We will fight it together.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Jessica,

      You hold me up just by being my friend and being metaphorically “here.” xoxo thank you.

  • Shannon

    Hi. I’m new here, but I related to this and felt the need to comment. The feeling you expressed is felt by so many, including me. Thanks for sharing.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Shannon,

      Thank you so much for stopping by and I apologize for my tardy reply. It’s just a lot of work swimming to shore—I can just barely see it in the distance. But at least I’ve got something to keep me afloat, and new friends like you. ;-)

  • http://angelaamman.com/ Angela Amman

    xo Thinking of you. I wish positive thoughts were life preservers.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Angela,

      Didn’t you know? positive thoughts from you ARE life preservers. So thank you for sending some my way! xoxox

  • http://twitter.com/momgosomething Kimberly M

    This resonated with me so much this morning. So so much. Thank you for writing this and holding me up today when I just wanted to fall. I hope that you’re ok. Know that I’m here for you xoxo

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Kimberly,

      Thank you…I feel less alone when someone else can relate to what I’ve shared. I am okay. And I am here for you, too! ANYTIME! xoxoxoxo

  • http://www.postdivorcechronicles.com/ LeeBrochstein

    Been there done that and jumped ship and it felt good.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Lee,

      I jumped ship, but it’s a long and exhausting swim to shore. I’m on the way. Thanks. xoxo

  • http://www.facebook.com/melissa.olivero Melissa Ruppert Olivero

    Yes, you do have to choose yourself sometimes and not beat yourself up over it. You are allowed to cut yourself some slack. You deserve the last life preserver. {{hugging you}}}

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Melissa,

      Thanks for the hugs and the healing words. It’s hard to choose myself. But I did. And hopefully it was the right choice.

  • IASoupMama

    You always have to choose the person with whom you will live the longest: you. That’s pretty much the criteria for my decision-making and the order of my priorities. (((hug)))

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      SoupMama,

      Thank you for that. That helped ground me when I needed it most. ;-)

  • http://twitter.com/juliedutch Julie

    I could have written this. Especially the part about taking off the mask and walking to new things. Beautiful. I love you my kindred spirit. xoxo

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Thank you, Julie. I love you, too. I’m glad we got to chat this week. Keep me posted! xoxo

  • http://twitter.com/JackieCross Jackie Park-Cross

    Taking care of you and not letting everything and everyone around pull you down is so important! I hope that all is well with you and that the unknown things that you walk into are amazing. :)

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Jackie,

      Thanks, woman. I needed to hear that. I hope everything is going well with you too and that the weekend has been fun!

  • http://twitter.com/AlleyBeth Allison

    Wow! Awesome. Awesome, stuff.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Allison,

      Thanks so much!

  • http://twitter.com/MommyMonologues Kate

    Great, great, great post! So glad I found it on twitter this morning!

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Kate,

      YOU are great! I’m thrilled you stopped by to read and comment. I’m sorry for the late reply, it’s taking a long time to swim to shore even with the life preserver….

  • http://twitter.com/jenrenpody Jennifer Gaskell

    You need to take care of you, Erin. Self care is not selfish. You are not letting anyone down. You are doing what you need to get well and be healthy. Hugs. xoxo

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Jennifer,

      Thank you for the reminder. I wish I didn’t feel that self care was selfish…argh. I have warped ways of thinking sometimes.

  • Robin @ Farewell Stranger

    Yes, that’s what you have to do sometimes. And in those moments that’s all you have to do.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Robin,

      Thank you. Thinking of you and your sweet baby, hope everything is going well. HUGS!

  • http://joshuawilner.com/ Josh

    People forget that sometimes being selfish is the most selfless thing you can do.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Josh,

      Wow. You said it. Thanks for that—I needed to hear/read it. ;-)
      Appreciate your stopping by & commenting! Thank you! sorry for the late reply—swimming to shore, even w/ a life preserver, takes a long time!

  • http://twitter.com/universalgrit Denise Ullem

    This is real and raw and powerful. Hugs to you. Hugs for your emotions, hugs for your honesty, hugs for your soul. xo

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Thank you, Denise. I needed all those hugs, too. How did you know? You are awesome and I’m sorry I didn’t reply sooner! xoxo

  • http://profiles.google.com/mommynanibooboo Jenni Chiu

    You took my insides and wrote it down for me. I know these feelings all too well. Thank you for making me feel less alone. Choosing me is till the hardest thing to do, even when it means survival.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Jenni,

      You are full of awesome. And you make ME feel less alone. Choosing ourselves is never easy, is it? Sigh. xoxox

  • http://profiles.google.com/twonormalmoms Ally Wilson

    Such an honest post. Take care of you, Erin.

    And? Those curls – oh those precious curls! What a sweetie. :)

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Ally,

      Thank you, dear friend who’s been with me since the beginning of time. I’ve heard those curls may disappear after her first haircut. I hope not! She keeps me sane most days. Or drives me Insane, LOL!

  • outlaw mama

    I love this post. Your writing is great as always. So true.

    • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin Margolin

      Outlaw Mama,

      Thank you for your kind words and love. Means a lot to me, especially right now. Hope your weekend is going well! xo