Please welcome Julie, a single 30-something who writes about discovering who she’s meant to be while documenting her weight loss journey ups and downs. She blogs at Dutch Being Me and tweets {excessively} at @DutchBeingMe… and spends too much time obsessing over where her next Diet Coke is coming from.
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I was in my therapist’s office, not really responding to his questions, when he told me to start a private journal and maybe share some of my musings at a future session. Thoughts about what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go and how I really wanted to live my life. He asked me to start writing about how I felt in this moment and to see where it would lead from there.
The first night I hauled out a notebook and pen and wrote for what felt like hours. I had done some journaling before, but never like this. Never trying to answer the question of “what I feel like right now.” Journaling had always been more of a meditation for me – and always outwardly asking for something.
I started writing about how I didn’t want to be writing and would rather be doing anything else. But I continued, sharing stories that I’d hoped I would have forgotten long before… like how friends had abandoned me during a fateful lunch hour my senior year of high school and how I never really understood how to keep a friendship alive.
Tears fell down my cheeks and I found this more cleansing to my soul than any therapy session to date.
But in that moment, I learned there was something much deeper in it for me. A yearning for me to be heard in a way I’d never experienced before, wanting to be loved in a new or deeper way than I had ever been, and discovering that there were dreams inside of me waiting to be set free.
Within weeks of that appointment, a blog was born. A place where I could share the silly things about my life as well as the triumphs and defeats that I experienced in my weight loss journey. A place where my friends and family could cheer me on and support me when needed.
Over the years, I’ve continued to journal – both on paper and, in part, on my blog, opening up about my family, my life, my loneliness and the fact that I wanted someone to be close to me. I write about how I hate my job and want to be anywhere but in the place I am.
Writing has become a place where I have discovered my innermost feelings. Feelings of hurt, depression, fear and sadness… along with hope, joy, and love for those that stand by me. Writing is my loyal friend who tells me the truth. Truths that I often want to run away from. Writing will always be something that I can’t just “give up” because it has become a part of me. It’s become my heart and soul.
I am a writer.
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