I’m doing Jana’s Stream of Consciousness Sunday link up, the prompt is comparison/ competition.
I splurged on a mini massage at Hoopla yesterday. As I lied on the table a woman named Rebecca worked on a knot in my left shoulder. That’s where the tenderness is, the spot where my troubles and stress reside. Open wounds. I jumped at the pressure of her hands there.
I started thinking that my time must be up. I don’t like massages because they always come to an end and I’ve spent the whole time thinking about that, thinking too much and crying. Instead of enjoying it and relaxing. My brain works overtime. I start thinking about the kids.
- I have twins. There are some perfect moms out there who don’t compare theirs, but I can’t help it. I am a good enough mother (because Good Enough is the New Perfect) even if I think about how different they are.
- One does her homework mostly without help, writes neatly, works quickly and is quite self sufficient; the other is slower, requiring assistance, writing some letters backwards. Over and over.
- One needs constant attention. But the other can take some toys, books, and a blanket and entertain herself for hours. Her imagination is her best friend.
- One has a nearly photographic memory. The other has to be told something several times.
- One is Type A. The other is laid back, easy going, artistic, loving, and kind. One is a helper and rushes off to do what she’s told. And then tattles on her sister for not doing it right away.
- One loves vegetables & will eat anything. The other won’t get near them & makes a scene when we ask her to take one bite.
- One carved her name into the side of my car. The other did not.
- My kids fight like cats and dogs and the morning routine before we get out the door to school exhausts me. But kids fight, right? They go from BFFs to mortal enemies in a matter of minutes. IT IS NOT MY FAULT.
- One is possibly developing a tic. The other is having trouble with her eyesight. IT IS NOT MY FAULT.
- I cannot turn off my brain.
- I am tired all the time. Other moms have endless energy and do it all.
- I feel like nothing is ever good enough.
- I do good deeds every day to feel better.
- I weigh myself every day and constantly compare myself to other women I see. Yet I cannot summon the energy to exercise.